Thursday, August 23, 2012

I Could Use a Spanking Right Now

Well last night's talk was not exactly what I had hoped for. I should've known. He's just starting to take charge. He's not one to dive into something headlong. Especially when it involves something he believes to be abhorrent. But I do respect him. He's starting to take charge and rethink his position as the leader of our family. I have got to have patience.

So all this thinking got me to pondering what I do that goes against the 4 D's.

Nothing Dangerous: Well, I kinda do a couple things that in most Dd relationships would be punished severely. But Hubby does them too and so I don't think that's something that's going to change for either of us.

Nothing Dishonest: I'm not really one for lying, but I have omitted things in the past. I try really hard not to. And you can bet that from now on I will confess the truth no matter what. (As a matter of fact, I just did. But it's a long story that I don't know how to make shorter and it's not worth a blog post.)

Nothing Disobedient: I'm already naturally submissive. I'm don't talk back or balk at his authority. I would willingly do most things as long as they are presented to me as a demand and not a request. I file requests in the "When I get around to it" file. Only I don't think I ever get around to these things.

Nothing Disrespectful: Well I kinda blew this one last night. I am normally very respectful. You see, sometimes Hubby gets upset with one or both of the kids and decides to take action quickly, decisively, and in a bit of a huff. It usually involves them having something taken away. I end up interjecting and interrupting him in front of the kids. I texted him today some of my feelings. The stuff in parenthesis is not part of the text, just an explanation.

Me: I thought about something. You're probably not going to like it.

Hubby: Rut Ro

Me: Last night I was disrespectful to you in front of the kids.

Hubby: ....I don't recall anything like that

Me: With K (our 5 year old daughter) and her ice (cup of crushed ice she takes to bed). I intervened quite loudly in front of the kids. It's not the first time I've done it. But it is the first time since trying to change my ways and be more submitting to your authority.
It's not okay for me to do that because I'm showing them that I will protect them from you as if you are some sort of bad person. Like R (R & P and their young son B were neighbors of ours from years ago.) with B. Remember his sly smile as she would protect him from P? I know that's an extreme example, but it doesn't take much for the kids to get the picture. They don't need protecting from you. They need me to be a good example of listening and obeying.

Hubby: Fair enough... Thank you for being aware of the action. ;) I love u

Me: I don't commit many punishable offenses because I am already inclined to be submissive and I usually think about things before I do anything.
But last night my actions were not acceptable.

Hubby replied in person. He said that he doesn't want me to be carrying around all this guilt about what happened. He said that if punishment is something that I need, then he can have me do the dishes tonight. It's usually his job because I'm not a fan of the kitchen. And then he said quite resolutely that tonight I am to do the dishes.

I am beyond thrilled that he is taking me in hand (ish) and making decisions. I like that he clarifies his normal request with a demand. But I could really use a spanking. Not because I want one. I do not relish the idea of a punishment spanking. It would hurt a lot and I might even cry. But, I know I need one. That's the only thing that will help me remember, the next time I even think about disrespecting him in front of the kids, to think twice. Dirty dishes? Ummm...not so much. I don't feel like it's a clean slate, that I've paid for my transgression. I'm not sure how to deal with this. I want to tell him that I request a spanking, but I don't think he will do it. It may even make him upset. I should just be happy that he's giving some sort of consequence, one that he can handle. It's a step up, right?



  1. You're right, it's a step in the right direction. The thing to remember is that part of the rules/consequences and having a clean slate means that the misbehavior is addressed. He's uncomfortable with physical punishment right now but he's imposing consequences to rules that you two feel is important. Changing your mindset might help you feel better after doing dishes as a punishment.
    It sounds a little like (what most of us who start out) is that you want him to lead your way. Stepping back and actually letting him lead might help a little, at least it did for me, the control freak :)
    Anyways, I think he will eventually get to a point he will feel comfortable spanking for punishment. He's started with the fun stuff, this will build his confidence and his comfort level towards spanking, then he's imposing different consequences for failure to follow rules. I think (and I could be wrong) the two will eventually run into each other.

    Good luck

    1. Thank you Suzie. I'm trying to get in the right frame of mind for the dishes. It's just so hard to see that as a punishment. But I am going to let him lead in the way he sees fit. I'm a control freak too!! ((Hugs))

  2. Oh, you are definitely moving in the right direction! I really don't think it's going to be much longer until you are in a full out DD marriage. Just be patient a little longer.....

    1. Thanks Cowgirl! I'm looking forward to it. Patience is not my thing. But I am deep breathing through it. I appreciate the encouragement. ((Hugs))

  3. Hi lilmisses...decided to check your blog out today and have enjoyed it. I'm excited to follow your journey and see where you and your husband end up!

    -Molly Rose

  4. Hi Molly Rose! Thanks for coming by. I sure hope to see you again soon!

  5. Hey, you kind of sound like me, I think. I am submissive and usually don't break any rules because I just don't. But interrupting him with kids has happened, and I catch myself being quite disrespectful. Not good. But sounds like you guys are figuring it out.

    1. It's hard not to want to intervene! But I'll break this habit...eventually...

  6. I can really identify with the feeling that this is taking forever, and Ian jumped at the change to be a HoH, he just couldn't wrap his head around using physical punishment as a tool.
    I think there were a couple of things that stood in the way for him:
    1. That he would hurt me. Huge obstacle to moving forward.
    2. That it would turn into S&M. He just didn't have an understanding of what dd really is about.
    3. That if a spanking was really what I wanted, how is that punishment?
    4. If I was really submissive, and accepted his authority, why should I require him to spank me?

    I think what really helped was Mick's advice to my husband in his blog. Coming from another man, who Ian identified with, resonated very strongly with him. I started out reading the posts to him and then we would talk, talk, talk.

    Also, Sweetie, because you are such a submissive woman already, as you said, he work is more or less done for him. So, I think that might present challenges of its own. It sounds like you are gently getting through to him what your needs are. As someone put it to me once, your "love language" is different, he loves you and he just needs to see it.
    He will - it sounds like it is beginning to happen.
    Best of luck :)

    1. Thank you Lillie. Could you give me the link to Mick's advice? I would love to help my husband understand this thing that I've always needed. I can't believe I waited until my 40's to open up... ((hugs))

    2. HI
      I am referring to a series of questions that I mailed to Mick and he generously address in his blog in July. I can't seem to get my computer to paste the link here (?) but if you look under July you will see "Questions from Lillian" and there are three posts with that theme.
      I hope it helps - the first two were really helpful for Ian and I and the second one more for my anxieties.
      Good Luck :)
      You know, I also think Mick's letter to HoHs - I looked it up and it is February 2012 is a really good thing for beginning husband to read to help understand what their wives are asking for and why. :)