Friday, August 17, 2012

This Thing

It seems everyone has their own version of TTWD or TIH or DD or whatever. I'm working towards something, I'm just not sure what it is. With Hubby's resistance and my constantly questioning where I fit in, time is moving too slowly and thoughts too fast, and no answers are coming out of it. I continue to have patience, leave Hubby to his thoughts about it all, and take a lot of deep breaths. He still hasn't answered my letter to him. I'm guessing maybe either he doesn't want to think about it, he hopes if he ignores it it'll go away, or he's still mulling over things. In the meantime, I've been having him rub my bare bottom every night, sharing my emotions and thoughts.

I tried confessing an oops on my part yesterday during our special time and he just laughed at me. He had instructed me 2 weeks ago not to let the gas tank go below 1/4 tank because it's hard on the fuel pump and we don't need another car repair. We have one car and the transmission is about to go. We don't need to do the poor car any more damage. I promised with a firm "Yes sir!" which earned me cockeyed look. Yesterday, I noticed that the tank was just at 1/4 and I knew I should get it filled but I had so many things to get done. I took my daughter shopping for school clothes and lunch. We were out all afternoon and didn't get home until 6 pm. My tank was just above E. I didn't mean for that to happen. I just got so caught up in everything else, I didn't think about it. His reaction told me that he didn't really care about it. I took it as a rule. He just shrugged his shoulders. For now I'm just going to keep trying to be submissive to him in hopes that he will see my desire for Dd as what's best for us.

Until then, I think I will write out what happened versus what I would have like to have happened as a sort of cathartic release. Let's take this morning for example. What happened? Well, I miscalculated the funds available in the business checking account. I didn't read something carefully and thought a $770 item was already deducted when it was not. This morning the account was -$600 and was hit with $140 in overdraft fees. Really, after Hubby told me yesterday about the mess, there was nothing to do but wait until this morning to see what the damage was. He reassured me that it happens, especially because it's summer time and things are real slow this time of year. Some simple math on my part couldn't hurt, but lesson learned for next time.

Here's what I think I would've preferred (*do do do do* *do do do do* *do do do do* - my best Wayne and Garth wavy fade into an alternate reality impression, sad because I couldn't find a YouTube video to remind everyone 😞): My loving and gentle Hubby had me lay across his lap. He pulled my panties down to just below my sit spot and started to rub, talking the entire time about how business is just slow and these things happen. He spent a lot of time rubbing and reassuring. "You need to let go of the stress and relax. Do you understand?" The lack of response from me was quickly met with four hard spanks. "Do you understand???" he demanded. "Yes sir!" I squealed. He continued rubbing and talking about how we were going to get through the weekend just fine. He told me he loved me over and over throughout the talk. He was so loving and comforting that when he let me up, I felt relieved and worry free. I think I was happily skipping to the shower!

So there you have it. Reality and it's alternate ending. Hard to type with my thumbs on my phone but it's all good. Once I get a new laptop I think any keyboard will do just fine. On the bright side, I do get to use my emoticons. 😉

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