A Delayed Introduction

Hi...My name is Lil Misses (obviously not, but for practical reasons, I cannot share my true identity). I chose the name to reflect what I am not but want to be, and some of who I am. Hearing several times on tv or in conversation between adults as I was growing up, "Why don't you check with the lil missus" or some such (really? some such? I'm appalled at my own writing sometimes). I also liked the word "misses" as in I have little misses, or missteps, as opposed to big ones. And of course "unfolds" has very much to do with my needs/desires/self-discovery that is blooming whether I want it to or not.

I am 41 and almost a 1/2 (yes, I count every day and for good reason). I have 2 great elementary age kiddos. My husband and I will share our 10th anniversary on Friday, August 31st. We are very happy and get along wonderfully. I own a business selling a product I invented 4 years ago. It's very successful, although we struggle financially because I refused to use credit to build my business. Everything I made, I put right back into it.

When Hubby and I decided to move to Florida from Oregon to be closer to his family (yeah...still questioning my logic on that one), he left a very good job and we moved my business. But here in Florida jobs are scarce, especially for someone with an MBA. Everywhere he went he was "over qualified" so we struggled for 6 months as we made the decision to "Go Big" with my business. I let Hubby take over the monotonous things I didn't like to do, mainly bookkeeping and manufacturing, while I headed up sales, customer service, and graphic design. I found myself giving up more and more of my control over things and slipping further away from the business. I fell into a hole of depression. I was miserable, had no friends, no home church, no future I could imagine.

Hubby describes me then as someone he didn't recognize. I had lost all will to do anything. I would vehemently deny to every one that I was depressed. I didn't follow the typical symptoms. I was already on medication for anxiety, one that I had been off and on for 12 years. I have a bit of a problem with anxiety and paranoia. Of course you wouldn't know that unless you've seen me off my meds. Otherwise I am completely normal...well, whatever that means.

After a couple years of living here in the sunshine state I had made friends, the business grew and we had employees (heck...I even got myself an assistant), and found a church that fit us perfectly. Life could not be better. But it wasn't, not for me. I gave away more and more of my responsibilities and showed up to the office less and less. I was aware that it felt like my medication wasn't working anymore and one doctor doubled the dose. It was like it just stopped working and no amount of it was going to fix anything. I made an appointment with a psychiatrist to get put on another medication.

The day before my appointment, I had a meltdown. I will spare you all the gory details, but suffice it to say that I practically accused my husband of having an affair with my assistant (which would never happen in a million years!), and when I realized that that was not the issue, my feelings of betrayal went into the next possible place, that I was no longer of value to anyone. I drove around for a couple hours with nowhere to go and no one to talk to, in a complete meltdown as it felt as though my universe just collapsed in on itself and there was nothing left but hurt and anger. I refused all his (and anyone else) attempts to contact me. I was in a downward spiral. Thank goodness it only lasted a couple hours.

Once I was put on the new medication, I sought out help from a therapist. What I found out from her completely changed my life. The hard, emotionally charged trauma work she had me doing, plus the new medication, freed me of all these demons that have been haunting me for years. I no longer had to be the strong woman who never cried. I now had grace to get me through the day. I released so much from my past that I am now able to truly live. I still see her weekly to talk about any issues that may have come up or any trauma work she wants to put me through. But I am happy now. And I cry openly and often, which my therapist says has the same effects on the brain as having an orgasm. Yay me...

What came with this new release was completely unexpected for Hubby and me. I was able to finally talk about my deepest desires. And what do you know? There were several websites and blogs devoted to it. There is so much information out there about spanking, and I followed the breadcrumbs until it landed me on DD. Once I was here in domestic discipline land, I did not want to leave. Sure, I questioned if it was right for me. But I know in my heart it is what I always wanted but was afraid to ask.

Hubby of course said "NO!" at first (and still does about discipline anyway). But he's gotten really good at what I've requested of him; stress relief spankings. He doesn't necessarily like doing it so I have been making sure to make it as sensual as possible. And now I'm working on the other parts of the DD relationship by being as submissive as I can and showing him that this new dynamic doesn't have to change who we are. He's been doing great at taking on the HoH role and even changing how he talks to me so that there's no wiggle room when he tells me to do something. We are working on it together. He is my motivator.

Speaking of motivators...I just bought a round leather paddle by Spartacus on eBay and it should arrive Tuesday or Wednesday. I'm hoping that if Hubby looks at my request more as motivation and less like discipline, then he might be willing to give it a try. We will see. I'm making suggestions and leaving it to him to decide what he wants to do. I will obey whatever he decides.

As far as my business is concerned, Hubby put me back in full control of it and he stepped away. He does help me often as I am learning the reigns of this new full blown business that I started in my garage. Now we are in a warehouse with employees that act like teenagers and equipment that is always on the verge of breakdown. But I'm handling it. Hubby went back to contracting programming stuff and all things geek. It's working out very well for both of us. I can't wait to see what the future holds!