Just had a wonderful Mexican lunch with Hubby. Margaritas make conversation smoother, that's for sure. Hubby had been thinking about something and decided to bring it up at the bar where we were lunching. The man has no idea how loud his voice is, I swear. He brought up a different idea, a sort of compromise if you will, to fit my needs. He started off by saying, "When I was young, my parents made me pick the consequences for certain things." Suddenly my heart leapt with excitement. Is he willing to try? "But I won't give you a physical consequence." Never mind...Sheesh... He started to tell me how the punishment could be something as simple as taking away my phone for the evening. I gasped. "Aha! See?" he quipped.
In a nutshell, he wants me to pick areas I know I need to improve upon (ie. getting to work on time) and pick the consequence (he really doesn't like the word punishment) for my action. He will enforce the consequence. BUT... He wants me to do the same for him. Now while I appreciate his desire to work together, I need him to be HoH. I can't punish the HoH. That's not how it works! Grumble...
Can't there just be a spanking so we can get it over with? Nope. He doesn't want to mix pleasure with punishment and he doesn't want to ever spank me as a consequence of something I've done wrong. We both agreed it's a start...this nonphysical consequence thing. "It's like having to go out and pick your own switch, isn't it?!" he joked. Yeah...something like that...only without the quickness and surety of a sore bottom to remind me. I won't have the tears to caution me that I don't want it to happen again. I won't feel like he has the strength to master me.
Something is better than nothing, right? It's a step in the right direction. Although I wasn't looking to be accountability partners. I just wanted him to take the pressure off of me, so I could stop beating myself up emotionally about what a wreck I am. I know I have to give it some time. Patience is not one of my finer qualities. Not by a long shot.
I was eager to go home an spend a little quality time with him after lunch. I didn't need much time, just enough to smooth out my rough spots and make me quiver. He refused. He knew I hadn't been in the office all day and that I had to get some work done. I was crushed. I hate being rejected. So I came to work and decided to blog about our lunch. I know I need to get stuff done. I'm just sooooo tired.
Last night I woke up at 3 am and couldn't get back to sleep. I decided to hop blogs until I got tired. You can see my new additions over there ---->
I have to go to work now.* Can I dig in my heels and say I don't wanna? Yeah, that's what I thought... Bye friends.
* I forgot to add this when I wrote the post earlier