I've been trying to explain to Hubby why I need him to soothe and spank me often. I've been trying to tell him how us women work and how I need spanking to relax from the stress of the day. "Don't you have a shrink for that?" he jokes. Yes, I have a therapist, and without her I would'nt be as happy as I am today. The past 2 months has been amazing. My therapist is the reason I was able to let go of all this emotional crap that was holding me back. She also taught me that I have been expecting too much from myself.
All this time, I thought crying equaled weakness. But she brought out the tears and forced me to face them. Now I cry willingly, when I feel it, wherever I am. I'm not afraid. I don't feel weak. It makes me stronger. I'm softer and more yielding and more submissive. I'm not holding onto all this junk any more. But there is more to it than that, and I've been trying to explain it to Hubby, but I'm not sure he's understanding me. I haven't come across a fitting analogy to use. I hope the following doesn't offend anyone.
We, as women, have a tendency to be like a bowl. Negative energy like hurt, anger, frustration, fear, and loneliness fill our bowl. It could be one incident, it could be a million things, but something eventually overfills our bowl and we start spilling out these emotions with our ugly cry raging and hatred rearing it's ugly heat. All this negative energy and emotion fills us up and without an outlet, we will explode. This negative energy has to go somewhere. It doesn't just disappear. POOF! All better! Ummm...not even a little bit.
Hubby says he thinks men have the same bowls but they drill different sized holes in the bottom. You can fill them all the way up and they will spill over. But leave them overnight and they mostly drain out.
So when I have him spank me, I'm asking him to please help empty my bowl. For me, it is the pain that forces the emotions out. I have to let go as I give into him. It seeps out as I talk to him about my day. It all flows out with the pain. No more anger. No more hurt. No more guilt or sadness or frustration. I confess to him and I am freed.
My therapist says I am looking very happy and relaxed. She's none the wiser. I'm okay with that. I am happier and more relaxed. At this point that's all that matters, right?
I love your analogy. The one we use here is Captain has boxes. He focuses on one box at a time. Those he's not dealing with at the moment are stacked neatly to the side.
ReplyDeleteI, on the other hand, have ducks...many, many ducks. I try to focus on and take care of the whole brood at once. When I am really keyed up and stressed, "my ducks are swimming" scattered all over the pond and I can not keep track or deal with them.
And yes, a spanking can stop the ducks from swimming.
Kate
Boxes are very logical. Ducks can get pretty chaotic. I'm glad that your ducks can be contained!
DeleteIf your therapist doesn't know about the spanking, that's fine. You shouldn't reveal more than you are comfortable with. In time, you may want to tell her, but that time may never come.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad she notices a change for the better in you.
Hugs,
Hermione
She knows about the erotic spanking. She believes any spanking that leaves marks or bruises is wrong, but that my desire for spanking is normal. She does not know about me using it as stress relief. I'm not sure that will ever come up. If it does, it will be because she questioned what the big change has been. When I tell her, I'm sure her eyes will bug out of her head. And then she'll have to do a ton of research about it and want to track my progress to make sure I'm not masking anything. Oh well... lol.
Delete((Hugs))
This is a really interesting way to look at the different way that you and your husband process things. It's good to have that kind of understanding of each other:)
ReplyDeleteThanks Tess! We've been able to communicate amazingly well our entire relationship. This is just one of many ways to look at things. ((Hugs))
ReplyDelete