I've been trying to explain to Hubby why I need him to soothe and spank me often. I've been trying to tell him how us women work and how I need spanking to relax from the stress of the day. "Don't you have a shrink for that?" he jokes. Yes, I have a therapist, and without her I would'nt be as happy as I am today. The past 2 months has been amazing. My therapist is the reason I was able to let go of all this emotional crap that was holding me back. She also taught me that I have been expecting too much from myself.
All this time, I thought crying equaled weakness. But she brought out the tears and forced me to face them. Now I cry willingly, when I feel it, wherever I am. I'm not afraid. I don't feel weak. It makes me stronger. I'm softer and more yielding and more submissive. I'm not holding onto all this junk any more. But there is more to it than that, and I've been trying to explain it to Hubby, but I'm not sure he's understanding me. I haven't come across a fitting analogy to use. I hope the following doesn't offend anyone.
We, as women, have a tendency to be like a bowl. Negative energy like hurt, anger, frustration, fear, and loneliness fill our bowl. It could be one incident, it could be a million things, but something eventually overfills our bowl and we start spilling out these emotions with our ugly cry raging and hatred rearing it's ugly heat. All this negative energy and emotion fills us up and without an outlet, we will explode. This negative energy has to go somewhere. It doesn't just disappear. POOF! All better! Ummm...not even a little bit.
Hubby says he thinks men have the same bowls but they drill different sized holes in the bottom. You can fill them all the way up and they will spill over. But leave them overnight and they mostly drain out.
So when I have him spank me, I'm asking him to please help empty my bowl. For me, it is the pain that forces the emotions out. I have to let go as I give into him. It seeps out as I talk to him about my day. It all flows out with the pain. No more anger. No more hurt. No more guilt or sadness or frustration. I confess to him and I am freed.
My therapist says I am looking very happy and relaxed. She's none the wiser. I'm okay with that. I am happier and more relaxed. At this point that's all that matters, right?