Disastrous Disrespect

Oh boy did I get in trouble the other night! While my excuses (I was hungry, I was on the third day of my diet, and I was very unhappy) were valid, my attitude was not. You see, earlier in the day, Hubby's friend came over and was talking about how his 7 year old daughter has been asked to be a spokesperson for a mega-company. I said that I would love to get our 6 year old daughter into something. Hubby said "NO!" It was firm and that was that. I tried to say something but he just said no again. I left the room, feeling a little hurt and embarrassed. I went to my room and snuggled with my daughter. Hubby came in later and asked what we were up too. I was snippy and snappy but it put an end to the questioning. Before he left, we had a short discussion about dinner. Apparently he forgot the discussion we had in the garage earlier about dinner. So I texted him what I already said, only he never read it.

I laid down and fell asleep for about 20 minutes. When I awoke, I was in a downright pissy mood. I was hungry and where was he with dinner already? I opened the door to the garage to see if he had already left and he was still sitting there with his friend, yukking it up. I was livid. I told him I thought he had gone to the store already and followed it with a "GOOD NESS!!!" before slamming the door. Now he was livid.

Hubby came into the house, told me we needed to talk RIGHT NOW and motioned me into our room. He shut the door and started to lay into me (verbally). I'd never heard him yell so loudly. He wouldn't let me say anything. He scared the crap out of me. I was in trouble and it was BIG. When he stopped yelling, I said I was sorry. He left and I laid in my bed crying. I was so confused by all the emotions bombarding me. I was scared, hurt, confused, but worst of all...guilty. I had brought this on myself. Regardless of me not getting a say and there being some miscommunication, I was undeniably in the wrong.

Later, after the kids went to bed, he was intent on doing a TnT. We hadn't done one in over 2 weeks because of his travel, and his father staying with us a few days. Hubby noticed that without it, I distanced. I try to become independant instead of leaning on him and I get frustrated. I start to feel neglected. I get angry and belligerent. Without this connection, we are lost to each other. He needs me to need him. He said it's the most wonderful feeling in the world. He wants to help me let go of all these negative emotions, especially the one's that I use to tear myself down. He wants us to stay close to each other. I want that too. It's just that getting to that place is the trick. I need consistent maintenance. That's consistent, not constant.

So we both learned a lesson here. I need to watch my attitude. He needs to not neglect me (a topic for which he apologized again and again). I need to respect him. He needs to love on me. And then we will be Happy, Happy, Happy... lol. Couldn't help myself.

One bummer thing happened. The "Closer" broke. I ordered a new one though, and a couple other implements that I will share with you when they arrive.

The moral of the story? Whatever you do my friends...

(you could get a paddle broken on your bum...lol!)

Take care and (((hugs)))

Stubborn Much?

Yes. Yes, I know... My last post was overly dramatic and apparently quite common. I'm really thinking ttwd needs to come with a manual; a kind of roadmap of what to expect along the way. Proclaiming in frustrated tears that it's all over and you will never return and you will be sad forever and forever is just one of the many dips in the ttwd road to marital bliss. To be fair, I almost called it all off last month too, so I think a lot of it has to do with hormones, at least on my end. Also, it was about May of last year that I had a pretty big breakdown, so it could also be that time of year? Who knows...

Our timeline of decline went something like this:

Sunday night: TnT and new rule
Monday: Break rule
Tuesday: Break rule again
Wednesday: Get angry at Hubby for not noticing that I broke the rule twice. Stay up late fighting. Get nothing resolved.
Thursday: Fight more. Resolve nothing yet again. Sob hysterically together. The end of the world has come. Decide that ttwd is over for us.
Friday: Tearful goodbye post. Gather all implements and anything else that could remind me of ttwd and put in trash bag on bed. Stay in bed all day. Have unproductive lunchtime talk with Hubby. Stay in bed more. Finally have one last talk after kids in bed. Make up. Ttwd back on.

What did I learn from this week of craziness? Oh soooo much! First of all, I am stubborn.

Yep...that's me! I think that ttwd should go one way and that's mine. Hubby disagrees. Once again, this is another reason to not compare yourself to other couples in blogland. I wasn't so much comparing us to other couples, as adding what they had to my list of things I want RIGHT NOW. So while I tell Hubby that I want him to lead me and our merry band of rebels, I want him to lead my way. Huh? What's that? I'm not supposed to control the leader? Who says? Oh...

Next thing you know, all hell breaks loose in my all or nothing world. I'm upset because I need Hubby to make me a priority and pay more attention to me. He's upset because while ttwd is hard for him, especially the spanking part, he just wants to make me happy and that doesn't seem to be happening.

Our final conversation went something like this:

You didn't even go 24 hours before breaking the new rule!

You had no intention of following through!

But you didn't give me a chance.

I gave you two days. And besides, you didn't take the cane with you to work and you weren't in your office where I was supposed to meet you no later than 9:05. You didn't even know where I was.

How was I supposed to know unless you tell me? 

If you paid closer attention to me then you would know.

Well, I'm not a tyrant. But that's what you need, isn't it? That's what you are asking of me?

I don't know. Probably. I just know that I'm not always going to rat myself out. 

Okay. If you need a tyrant, I can certainly try to do that for you. 

A few more words and then I was rolled over for a magnet flipping I requested. He started off with the spoon and decided that was what he was taking to work with him to take care of me if need be. It packs quite the sting, even over jeans. Yeeeeeouch!!!

The down the pants and panties went and it was off to the races. He brought out the closer and told me something that surprised the heck out of me. He wasn't sure how much I needed him to spank and it seemed to him that it was never quite enough. He told me that he was going to keep spanking me until I told him to stop.

He spanked for a very long time. Hard. Over and over. I said ouch and owieeee and yelped and groaned. I twisted and turned. I tried to get out of the way but his hand stayed steadfast on my lower back, holding me in place. He alternated cheeks. He stayed with one for several swats and then went to the other. He sped up. He slowed down. He sped up again. I was breathing hard and fast. My butt was on FIRE. He reminded me that I could tell him to stop any time I felt I had had enough. I am a stubborn one. I wasn't giving in until I was darn good and ready too. Okay, I'm darn good and ready now. STOP!

He laid atop me, his weight reassuring me that he loves me and he's here for me. And that was all I needed. My fight was all gone. It had left me completely. I felt his overwhelming love for me in that moment. I thanked him because I knew how hard that had to be for him, waiting for me to say "stop". I apologized yet again for the trainwreck I caused.

I told him that I would stop trying to make ttwd into something it's not ready to be. We will get there soon enough. It doesn't all happen at once. And it certainly doesn't happen in one rule. He can mold it into what he thinks is best for us (with a little input from me of course) and I will follow his lead.

I will not break rules on purpose, especially since he will have the wooden spoon and he knows how much I can take, which is apparently a lot more that either of us thought.

I will have enough respect for him and myself to give my best effort every day.

I am stubborn. But so is he. (I may be a bit more stubborn though as evident by my purple bottom lol)

And they lived happily ever after...

TnT Brings on a New Rule

All I can say right now is ouch. Every time I sit down. Ouch! This was a TnT to remember. I couldn't believe how much there was to go over even though we had just talked a few days before. Hubby is getting the hang of wearing his HoH hat. Well...I did ask for it...

This TnT session is brought to you by the letter Ow and the number...I lost count.

When Hubby has a mind to, he can get downright talkative. If it weren't for the fact that he makes so much sense... Those swats can really get to a girl after a while. While I didn't cry this time, I surely wanted to by the end of it. I even thought I might need more and he gladly assisted. Yeah...I don't know what I was thinking.

Our topics of discussion were:

Projects: Surprise, surprise! I spent the better part of last week cleaning up after my last project, the bedroom painting. The bedroom looks great by the way. Unfortunately, the contents of it spilled over into the dining area. I was instructed to clean that up as well as the rest of the dining room just for good measure. I did not do that without complaint however. But he's just  happy that it got done. The takeaway from this? No more big projects without proper planning. Divide the project into smaller ones so it will get done eventually without messes left behind.

Procrastination: What? Who? Me? Ha! Okay. Okay!... I procrastinate like it's an olympic sport. I have a lot of work to do and a lot of people counting on me. My employees need me to keep things going. My family depends on me working. And we've got a big thing coming up soon and not much time to get stuff together. No more procrastinating! To that end, a new rule; I am to be up and out of the house by 8:30, 9 at the latest. But don't I dare wait until 9 to leave because I am to check into Hubby's office (he owns his own business as well and has an office space to himself) no later than 9:05. If I am late, I get greeted by the cane (because it's quiet and won't alert the neighbors). I'm thinking being late would be a baaaaaad idea.

Deception: Yes, we needed to address the deception I tried to hide over the project. I was supposed to move everything out of the room except the furniture. That way, when it was getting painted, there wouldn't be a whole lot to trip over. Also, the idea was to move out and then move back in. Well that's not what I did. But I tried to conceal that fact. What I did was move everything to the center of the room. I tried to put everything on the bed and what didn't fit was shoved next to it. I felt horrible about trying to deceive him. The fact that it was a purposeful act made me feel all the more guilty. How do we deal with guilt? That's right. Bring on the closer! OUCH! I will not try to conceal, lie, or otherwise deceive Hubby. I am to be honest about all things. Period. Guilt gone? For the most part. When I think about what I did I feel so ashamed. I keep asking myself "Why?" but I don't have the answer. What was I thinking? I don't know. I hope I never do it again. The lying needs to stop. I don't know where it came from or why it continues, but I have got to start being completely honest. And it's little things. It's not like I'm trying to hide something terrible. I've been doing this since before ttwd, so it's not like it's a new thing. Do you catch yourself in lies? What do you do about it?

Glad that's over. Let's hope I make it to his office in time!

(((hugs)))

Fantasy Boot Camp Part 2

If you haven't yet read Fantasy Boot Camp Part 1, please do so now. It explains in detail about what my fantasy of boot camp with my husband could be like. It's not a typical girly-girl fantasy. I decided to go more realistic.

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The alarm beeped loudly and annoyingly at 6:30 am. Since the kids weren't home, I saw no reason to get up so darn early. Hubby had set the alarm. Just as I reached for the snooze button, he said, "Turn it off and get out of bed. Now." I whined in my classic I-don't-wanna-and-I'm-gonna-pout-til-you-feel-sorry-for-me-and-give-in way. It had no effect. Apparently he had already gotten up, showered, and dressed. He ordered me into the shower and don't I dare get back into bed. There was work to do! Ugh...

I did as I was told. When I exited our room, he immediately escorted me out the door. We were going to take a nice brisk, early morning walk. He explained to me that from now on, and he would add it to the rules list, that I was to get up when the alarm went off and not a minute later. No more snooze button. I grew indignant at that new rule. One of my few pleasures in life is to purposefully ignore that blasted alarm clock. Now I was sure it would be the bane of my existence.

Our walk completed, it was time for our first homework assignment of the day. We decided to work on easier homework assignments since we determined that the corrective action assignments were all spanking and bound to be both mentally and emotionally taxing for both of us. He again prayed for our day, that we would become a stronger couple for Him, and finish out our boot camp with the love and respect that He intended for us. We each sat down and worked on our relationship components; rating the components and thinking up ways to improve those areas. As I delved into it, I realized that while a lot of things were near perfect, other's were far from it; patience and responsibility being the two I was most concerned with. It was very interesting to see how our views differed on this assignment.

At our breakfast break, I again toyed with my food. My mind was completely on our first corrective action spanking (CAS) exercise. We were instructed by the guide not to talk nor plan out this first session. We were to act as naturally as possible and do what felt right. But we often have different ideas about things. There was no way around it but through it. Hubby saw my nervous anticipation and decided to cut breakfast short for both of our sakes. We could get back to breakfast afterward.

He led me to the bedroom and instructed me to drop my pants. I did as he said, leaving my panties in place, and then bent over the bed. He told me to place my feet shoulder width apart as he placed his hand on the small of my back. My stomach clenched in anticipation of the first smacks. He started lecturing about my projects, because even though the spankings aren't supposed to correct a negative action, he can't spank without reason, be it for fun or for correction. His hand came down, swatting each cheek repeatedly, one blow following the next. Next, he brought out the leather paddle we call "The Motivator". While the swats were hard, they were few. He then pulled down my panties to reveal my slightly pink bottom.

He massaged my bottom and the tops of my thighs. He started to speak again about the importance of finishing what I started before swatting away again. He picked up the paddle once more and spanked, a bit more intense, yet few again. He massaged and talked again. He was bent over beside me, practically whispering in my ear as he rubbed the heat into my skin. He picked up the paddle and spanked the tops of my thighs, at that ever sensitive sits spot. My breath hitched with each blow. I wasn't sure what to think, so I savored it all and waited for it's climax. He laid down the paddle in favor of is favorite implement, "the Closer", a wooden paddle with holes throughout that left a sting you would not believe. A few spanks with it and I was practically jumping in place. He bent beside me and held me. He hated to see me in pain, which is why we had never done a real CAS before. Hubby can be so empathetic, it often gets in the way of the responsibility to enforce necessary actions.

He stood me up, turned me around, and had me sit next to him at the end of the bed. He held me tight as we slowed our breathing together. Emotionally I was nowhere near tears and the physical sting only lingered seconds really. I've had more intense spankings during our TnT sessions. He asked me if I would rather eat  or talk now. I needed a few minutes to collect my thoughts before we delved into the particulars of our first spanking of the day, so I opted for eating. I chewed quietly, thoughtfully, as did he. I tried to order my thoughts so I could speak effectively. I knew this first time wouldn't go as I had planned so carefully in my head, but it was as much my fault as his.

We decided to lay on the bed together. We held hands and stroked each other as we talked. This intimate pillow talk is how we dealt with most things of this nature. He was very receptive to all I had to say about the spanking. I needed him to be less empathetic and more strict disciplinarian. I wanted future CAS's to be dramatically different and easily separated from our TnT and play time spankings. In my mind, there had to be a contrast or it wouldn't be effective. In essence, I needed the CAS to be something I feared so that I would stay properly motivated. I assured him that it wasn't he I would fear, I could never fear him. He's my love. But the CAS should be feared. I'm not afraid of a few swats. I'm not afraid of the suggestion that it could be worse. And I told him to not stop just because I was yelling "Ow!" and "Owieeeeee" and "Ouch". It's supposed to hurt. This is supposed to cause outbursts of "Ow!" and "Stop" and "I'm Sorry!!!" and "I promise" and tears and sobbing. That doesn't mean it stops short. It needs to play through to completion.

On his end, Hubby needed me to stay still and not jump around so much. I said that all I could do is try. Reminders during the CAS would be helpful. He promised to help me remember. It sounded more like a threat to me though. He told me he could tell I wasn't in the right mindset to receive a CAS. It may have been nerves, but our next one should prove to be better, maybe even easier for both of us. We hugged and held each other for several minutes, breathing in unison.

It was time to get up and start the next homework assignment. I was very happy about this one since it was right up my alley; crafting! We were going to put together a date night jar. He would type out ideas for date nights, print them out, and cut them into slips for each idea. I got to decorate the jar. Yay! So I went a little crazy at the craft store for this one. It was a mini project and I got to use my glue gun. Nothing makes me happier than my glue gun. The only thing we needed to do was set a date night and get a steady babysitter. A few phone calls and we could have the answer by the end of the day. Mission accomplished. We both knew the importance of continuing to date each other. We certainly couldn't afford to not put us as a priority.

For lunch we decided to go out and get some fresh air. Well, as much fresh air as we could get at our favorite Cheers-like hang out. We ordered our usuals and made chit chat with the other regulars. It was a relaxing time and great to get out of the house, even if just for a little while. We stopped at the store so we could get a few things to enjoy for dinner and celebrate the night after completion of boot camp. Coming home meant one thing; time for CAS exercise 2. I didn't have high hopes about it and really just wanted to get it over with.

I sighed as we entered the house. We put away groceries and he leaned in for a kiss. Both of us knew what was coming. He hugged me and said that we should get it over with. I sighed again, my heart in my throat. We entered the room and he instructed me to get ready. I pulled down my pants and assumed my position bent over the end of the bed. As he lightly rubbed his hand over my panties, he asked why we were "here"? I told him that we were addressing my need to start projects but never finish them. He said that a lot of what he was about to say would be repeating his earlier lectures, but that he felt it was warranted considering my lengthy history with this particular issue.

His hand started swatting like it was on a mission to light a fire with the radiant heat that would soon emanate from my punished bottom. Once he moved to the leather paddle, I knew I was in for it. The swats were hard. He didn't hold back. It was if he had a number in his head and he was sticking to it no matter how much I yelped. The panties came down and rubbing and hand-swatting alternated as he punctuated his statements. I was not getting out of this one. He had taken a whole new attitude. He reminded me of the time he was helping me move out of my apartment and into his and how he made me throw away 3 large bags of jeans I had saved up to make a denim quilt. He said that he wished he knew then that a spanking would've saved him years of frustration and me years of guilt.

He grabbed the leather paddle and spanked in earnest. I started to jump but he swatted lower on my thighs and warned that unless I wanted more there, then I should stop. I moaned and whimpered in frustration. I couldn't catch my breath. He stopped just short of me apologizing profusely and begging him to stop, like he knew I was at a breaking point. He rubbed my red cheeks and started talking again. His words grew in intensity and strength and meaning. I had no doubt in my mind that he didn't want to have this talk again, but he would if I pushed it. Even with my mini project we just completed, I had left a mess in my wake. He let it be known that he would not put up with it any more. The third volley of swats with the leather and then the wooden paddles had me gasping for breath. I had made it past my anger to a space where the tears were about to come. A burning sting radiated through me. With every spank of the wooden paddle, I came to understand the need for this. It was slowly erasing my guilt.

Hubby dropped the implement in his hand and collapsed on top of me. He held me tight once more. He felt this punishment as surely as I did. We knew, as we looked into each other's eyes, that this CAS was finished, but the issue was not over yet. We had to do this one more time before the day was done. Neither of us wanted to. But boot camp isn't about what we want to do. Hubby, having been through 3 separate boot camps for different reasons (beginning, school, and something else I can't remember), knew from experience that it's about tearing us down and building us back up stronger and better than before. And it was equally hard on both of us. I may have to endure 3 pretty intense spankings when all is said and done, but I'm learning so much about being submissive and what to fear and what to respect. He is learning that he has to be strong and be a man of his word in this, even though he desperately doesn't want to. I became awed over the strength that he had to possess in order to accomplish this task. He was my rock and forever would be. My love for him poured out in kisses all over his face.

A short rest and we were ready for the next homework assignment; Bible verses. Because the assignment was relatively short, we decided to come up with a plan to put our spiritual lives first. We outlined an evening ritual for prayer and bible study. We wanted to include God more in our lives. We had been grossly negligent in that aspect and it showed in the way our home looked, in our financial situation, and in our parenting. Such simple principles seemed so hard for us to navigate. And now we are dealing with the outcome. But it wasn't to late to change. Our lives would be the better for it all. We just needed this boot camp experience to push us in the right direction, and then use the momentum to better all aspects of our lives. This wasn't because I am a "spanko". There's plenty of time for that when we have our adult play time. This was for us, all of us. With strength and discipline, we could make this work.

I made a salad while Hubby grilled steak. He's perfected steak grilling over the years. The right cut, the right seasoning, the right grilling time... He had it down. I was happy just to put a simple salad together and some instant mashed potatoes. Hubby put on some soft music in the background. I felt like it was our first date all over again. It felt as though we had a fresh start. Even though we knew each other for years, we were new again. We smiled at each other, made small talk, shared inside jokes. We talked about what we would most like to watch after we were done with our last assignment; most decidedly something light and funny. Snacks and dessert. Comfort to come.

At the announcement from Hubby that it was time for our final CAS, something in me snapped. I had such a good time at dinner and I didn't feel like having a CAS right then. I got downright cranky. This is when Mr. HoH/Drill Sergeant decided to take me in hand once and for all. He backed me up against the wall, pinning me there with his weight, and towering over me, he bored holes through my eyes into my soul. He said, "You will obey me!" and I melted into a puddle of submission. He saw in my eyes that he had conquered me once and for all. Now it was just time to get down to the business that neither of us wanted to, but this was boot camp and it was getting done. This was a taste of what was to come if I chose to disobey. I was going to get what I wanted; fear of that kind of spanking. I may have already been sore from earlier "exercises" but even in real boot camp you will do pushups with sore and tired arms until you are crying in pain and then even past that.

I assumed the position; pants down, legs apart, hands on the bed above my head. I couldn't tell if my heart was beating fast or had stopped completely. I know I stopped breathing. He told me he was sorry he had to do this, but it was necessary. It was the only way to get through to me that this project problem had to stop. I was no longer allowed to start any project without his permission first, no matter how small or insignificant I thought it was. I was to start completing past projects, starting with the ones stacked in our closet. Each project I presented for completion would be approved by him and a time limit set. It was no longer a matter of whether the project was important or necessary. It was the principle of it. Finish what you start. He asked if I was ready and with a deep breath I said I was.

He swatted with his hand the already sore areas of my rear. I winced and whined. He started his lecture anew, emboldened by his triumph over my will. "Why are we here?" he asked. "Because I...ow...I...uh...my unfinished projects" I managed to get out between swats. "Why else?" he prodded. "Because from...owwww....now on....ahhhh...I have to ask...owieeeee...permission to start....oooooohhhh...projects" I said through gritted teeth. "Are you angry?" he asked, but didn't wait for my answer. "Because I am. All these years. All this clutter. It's not acceptable and I won't put up with it any more." And with that he yanked down my panties. He brought out the leather paddle again and rubbed my flaming cheeks with it's cool smoothness. "What are we going to do about it?" he asked as he kept rubbing. I must've hesitated a second too long because the paddle came down on me as he punctuated each word of his question again. "What" smack "are" smack "we" smack "going" smack "to" smack "do" smack "about" smack "it?" smack-smack-smack. I was nearly out of breath as I clenched my jaw and the words "finish what I start" dripped with venom from my lips. He paused.

My attitude was clearly in need of adjusting. While I was tired of the subject, I had not yet submitted to his lead. In my head I had thought of dozens of ways around this new rule. I didn't want to submit to it. After all, I can speed just enough to not get caught. Where there's a will... My thoughts were broken by the crack of the wooden paddle on my flesh. "You will obey me in this." he said matter-of-factly. He had found a rhythm with this tool and planned to use it effectively. His words poured out over me seeking to reach the depths of my soul. Over and over he told me that he loved me but this attitude was going to stop. He needed me to accept his lead in this matter. That the expense and the clutter hurt us both. And that if I was watching our children at all, I could easily see that my actions were infecting them. At the mention of our children, I broke into a thousand tiny pieces. Tears poured out. I couldn't hold back the gut-wrenching sobs. My guilt that I had largely ignored was finally coming to the surface. It just needed a way out to make a change.

He stopped the swatting and with one hand on the small of my back to keep me in place, he used the other to stroke my hair. "That's my girl" he said so sweetly and lovingly. "I want you to know that I love you so much. I'm sorry, but this next part is not going to be easy for either of us. And when we are done, I will hold you and we can talk." And with that, I heard the jingle of his belt and I knew. There was no going back. This is how it would be from now on. This was something to fear. And what made it all the more agonizing was knowing that I did this. Me. I was the cause of emotional distress. And when I do things like that, this is what will happen. No more conniving. No more sneaking. No more lies. All is laid bare.

He wielded the belt lightly at first and then increased the intensity as he laid his final points to rest. The pain was unquestionably different from any that our other implements induced. It was an ache that I never wanted to experience again and would at all costs avoid. And that was the point, was it not? For both of us to experience what a real corrective action spanking would be like? So different in every aspect that it could not be confused with anything else? There were no more questions. There was no more talk. The last slaps of the belt met a resounding echo of sobs and apologies. Hubby picked me up and held me. He covered me in kisses as he rubbed my tender flesh. We had come through it. We were strong. I had a deep respect for my husband. He could and would spank me. Because I asked him to. Because I needed him to. Because it was best for us and our family. This time it was I who was proud of him. He did the right thing. Upon telling him this, he sighed deeply and buried his head into my chest. I stroked his hair and kissed his head. One last squeeze and it was time to do one last homework assignment and then we were home free.

We finished out our boot camp experience with a Domestic Discipline Anniversary Letter. It was hard to imagine what one year later would look like. How many times did I break rules? How many times would I face the corner, or worse yet, the belt? I had imagined though that through it all I would come out a shining example of a wife and mother. For the betterment of all of us.

The rest of the night we laid in each other's arms. We skipped the movie, snacks, and ice cream. Instead we made sweet, tender love. We were both spent, our boot camp now over and the opportunity of a new life in front of us. I stayed in Hubby's capable arms all night; happy, content, cherished, loved...

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There is so much more to the Domestic Discipline Boot Camp for Beginners guide by Clint and Chelsea at Learning Domestic Discipline than I "experienced" here. I encourage you to get a copy for your own. You will see that along with an outline of how it should go, there are several more punishment choices and dozens of exercises to chose from. Buy the book and the accompanying workbook if you are at all interested in this. It's not for everyone, but they really did do a good job with this book. I'm glad I bought it!
PS. No, I did not receive any sort of compensation for my endorsement. I wrote this solely because I believe it would work for me.

Fantasy Boot Camp Part 1

I have been curious. When I first heard about boot camp, I thought it was pretty brutal (by the descriptions I read) and that Hubby would never go for it. And then, on a whim, I bought a Domestic Discipline Boot Camp for Beginners guide by Clint and Chelsea from Learning Domestic Discipline  mostly because there was a promo wherein I was able to get the book, the workbook to go with it, and Consistently Inconsistent. The price couldn't be beat. Plus, the boot camp book was for beginners and promised to be easier to do, maybe even something I could get Hubby to agree to. Maybe...

I printed out every page and put them in plastic sleeves in a binder. I highlighted some important notes I wanted to make sure to tell Hubby as I explained what it was and why it would be good for us. And I also told him not to answer me right away, because I wanted him to think about it. There is a lot of work involved, including finding someone to watch the kids for 2 days, and homework aplenty.

Now, before you get all riled up, know that I've read the naysayers points of view. I've researched. But after reading what Clint and Chelsea wrote, I can honestly say that this approach just might work, and for all the right reasons. I really don't care how long they have been in DD or how little experience people seem to think they have. DD and Ttwd is not for everyone and if there is one thing I've learned over the past 11 months is that everyone does it differently. So, if you don't agree with it, I would suggest that you don't read any further.

This is a fantasy post. This has not happened yet. I do have high hopes that it will happen though. I believe it would make all the difference in getting our lives on track; chores, budget, schedules will all be regimented. Boundaries set. Expectations in line with reality. Consequences.

Day 1:

Woke up to the freedom of no kids. Ahhh...wonderful! Of course I was nervous as all get out. I had some idea of what was going to happen, but not everything. And really, Hubby's words always had a tendency to surprise me, so my expectations were that he would catch me off guard more than once during the experience. We had decided ahead of time what homework and punishment exercises we were going to do. Hubby didn't like the word "punishment" so we called it "corrective action".

First thing in the morning, Hubby sat with me and prayed. He wanted to make sure we were addressing our spiritual needs before anything else was to take place. Then, we set out to do our first homework assignment. It took some convincing that a rules list was needed, but Hubby finally acquiesced. We spent quite a bit of time deciding which rules had what consequence. Hubby isn't one to like to spank for every offense. He would much rather get creative. I had some trouble convincing him that a lot of the rules required, at the very least, a spanking. He could add all the creative corrective actions he wanted, but the spanking would get through to me the best.

When breakfast came, I found myself hungry and yet not wanting to eat. I toyed with my english muffin and sipped at my coffee. I almost felt as if I were in a daze. Could this really be happening? We will see...

The lecturing corrective action exercise was next. Boy could that man talk when he had a mind to do it. He had prepared in advance the issues he wished to address. He had a lot of practice with our TnT sessions, so this was a breeze for him. As he escorted me to our room, he told me what we were going to talk about; my projects. Ugh! I knew this would come up sooner or later, I was just hoping it would be later. I have a tendency to start projects and not finish them, or decide on a new project during a time crunch. He hates that. We talked long and hard about it. In the end, I understood his points and promised to do better. He in turn said that he was not done addressing the issue and that it would be the main topic for our journey through boot camp. I was less than thrilled.

We were on to our next homework assignment: the chores list. This one was a long time coming. He had his chores. I had mine but only got them done if absolutely necessary. We divided up the work and outlined the chores to the nth degree. The what, where, when, and how for each chore was charted, graphed, and in all other ways defined. I didn't realize how painful this assignment could be until I put it in the hands of my capable HoH. He was taking this whole thing quite seriously because he realized that if we wanted to live our lives as he imagined, we needed to get the nitty gritty details hammered out. No questions. No wiggle room. Of course, the most hated chores were the meal planning, grocery shopping, and meal preparation. I knew that was the one set of chores that would get me in trouble the most.

After lunch, we did another corrective action exercise; corner time. Hubby didn't like the idea of it because he thought that it was something reserved for children. I told him we should rename it then, because I thought that we should at least try it to see if it had any effect on me. We agreed that it would be called "quiet time" instead. I was still to stand in the corner behind our bedroom door, but it was quiet and I could spend time reflecting on whatever we needed to address. This corrective action would be especially handy if Hubby were ever too emotional (angry, frustrated, irritated) to deal with my behavior right away. I would be given instructions on what to think about during my quiet time. Of course, we again focused on my unfinished projects. I was pretty sure I would hate the idea of new projects by the time this was all over. Immediately upon arriving to the corner, I felt an attitude shift. My heart sank to my stomach. I thought about what was said during the lecture. My instructions were to tell him 3 reasons why I needed to finish the projects that I started. While the reasons were easy enough to come up with, I was full of conviction, to the point of tears. The punishment was more effective than either of us imagined. Hubby decided it was a keeper. I really wasn't sure I wanted to do this anymore.

Since this was day one, and so far the hardest and most exhausting thing I had ever done, it was time for more homework. We were about to tackle the thing I hated most; the budget. Hubby had already prepared most of the charts and graphs, he's a geek like that. As he started describing all the aspects of the budget, my eyes glazed over. He saw it happen and decided to put a stop to it immediately. He had me kneel on the floor, took both of my hands in his, and insisted that I look him in the eyes as he began to lecture me on the importance of how we spend our money. I was to fill out the homework while he poured over our financials. He made sure I had the app of his choosing on my phone so that I could keep good record of the ins and outs of our money. He wasn't going to let the topic go until I could answer all of his questions without hesitation. He needed to make sure I got it, because I wouldn't want to face the consequences if I didn't.

By the time dinner rolled around I was famished. Talking about our budget crises really made me hungry. But after dinner all I wanted to do was relax and watch some tube. Hubby did too, but being former military, he took the whole boot camp idea to heart. There was no time for tv. More work was to be done before we could call it a night. Time for another corrective action exercise; line writing. I hated it before it even started. My hand started to cramp up just thinking about it. He wanted 2 pages; I will not start a new project without permission. "Can't I just promise and call it good?" I pleaded. He just smiled and said no. He took away my phone to insure I wouldn't be distracted. I finished in good time and ruefully handed him the papers. I kept my hand out to let him know I wanted my phone back. He gave it back with the caveat that if he ever had to address this same issue in the future, I would have more than a cramped hand.

With that over, we went on to the next homework exercise; Pros and Cons to DD. This exercise was mostly for Hubby. I needed him to understand why this would work for us. He had always struggled with the discipline aspect in Domestic Discipline. I assured him that once he saw how well it worked, he would never want to go back. After all, this wasn't about breaking me, it was about breaking my bad habits and building new ones. This was going to be hard for both of us. But anything worthwhile isn't easy to attain. Together, we could conquer anything.

We had one last corrective action to get through before we could relax for the night. Hubby decided that I should do a chore. I was to clean all the mirrors and windows (ones I could reach). It would be finished completely before the night was over. It wasn't normally something I would think to do, so it made a perfect extra chore. My arms were tired afterward. I was ready to sit down and relax next to Hubby and watch something, anything. I was exhausted. No sooner did I flip up the recliner on the couch than my eyes closed and (according to Hubby) a rhythmic snoring escaped me. He woke me up later to help me stumble into bed. He stroked my cheek and said wonderful things about how proud he was of me and I fell back into a deep, peaceful slumber.

Coming soon: Fantasy Boot Camp Part 2

---------


There is so much more to the Domestic Discipline Boot Camp for Beginners guide by Clint and Chelsea at Learning Domestic Discipline than I "experienced" here. I encourage you to get a copy for your own. You will see that along with an outline of how it should go, there are several more punishment choices and dozens of exercises to chose from. Buy the book and the accompanying workbook if you are at all interested in this. It's not for everyone, but they really did do a good job with this book. I'm glad I bought it!
PS. No, I did not receive any sort of compensation for my endorsement. I wrote this solely because I believe it would work for me.

Paint and Magnets: The Story of the Spanking I Didn't Want

Since my last post, all of 16 days ago, so much has happened, and not happened, and changed. It's amazing really. The first 8 days were fine. Our last TnT (on May 5th) was pretty underwhelming. Hubby didn't have a whole lot to say, so the lecture wasn't a lecture at all. It all left me feeling pretty blah. All was going along fine I guess, until the day before Mother's day. By then, I was cranky. To top things off, Hubby was irritating me. He does this thing that just drives me up a freakin wall. Instead of asking/telling me something outright, he asks a pre-question, a question leading up to whatever it is he wants. It's usually, "What are you doing?" or "Are you busy right now?" By now, I know that it's always leading to something he wants me to do. He says he asks me about what I'm doing to make sure I'm not busy, but really what's the point. So I immediately get irritated because for me it's like nails on a chalkboard. Just ask/tell me what you want already! Ugh...

Anyway, he came up and asked me what I was doing and why I was painting my nails. I told him that I was on hold with FTD for 1 hour and 15 minutes, so I started to paint my nails and they aren't dry yet. He stated, "Well, everyone else is working." Yeah...thanks for the guilt bomb, now go suck an egg. See how cranky that makes me? I took off the polish and really I don't remember what I did after that. I was not happy, I know that. I was all attitude and hormones. He let it go and decided to ignore it. I guess he thought that if he didn't acknowledge my mood, then it would go away. Right...

Mother's day was wonderful. I woke up happy. My daughter gave me a picture she drew with the words "Happy Mothe's Day" at the top. Yep. I'm the happy Mothe. Lol! I got perfume and a purse. We went on our annual horseback ride in honor of my mother. She loved horses, and still owned 2 when she died. Then we went to on a pirate treasure hunt adventure cruise. It was great fun for the kiddos. It was a happy day. No TnT, but I was not in the mood anyway. We hadn't been close all week, so why start now?

Monday, I went a little crazy. We had been talking for a few weeks about changes we wanted/needed to make. We were going to move and even looked at a couple houses but decided that moving right now didn't make much sense. So I suggested that what we should do instead is change how we live now. Move out of one room, paint/decorate how we want it, and then move back in. I had looked at furniture for our bedroom. We don't have a set or even a headboard. The set I picked out is way out of our budget and Hubby said that if I really wanted it, we would have to save for it. So I showed him paint chip samples. He liked the one I picked out, but said we aren't painting until I clean up our room and we can make the house more presentable.

I did some work Monday morning, then Hubby and I had lunch together. He went back to work and I set out to get a few things to get a work project done. Along the way, I got the harebrained idea on that I would get some little jars of paint tinted the colors I had picked out. Then I went shopping for a few more things. I was running out of time and needed to go get the kiddos, but decided to stop by the house and paint small sections on each wall to get a feel for what the color would look like. When I was about half-way through painting, the thought occurred to me that he might just get a little upset about it, but I dismissed it because I was already half-done. It's not like I could undo it. And really, what was he going to do besides get a little pissy?

When I got home from grabbing the kids, he came outside and he was livid. I could see it in his eyes. What did I do? I ignored it. Then he said something. So I got indignant. After all, how dare he be mad at me? I'm just trying to further along the process. Mr. Grumpy Pants had a few words but that was it. The rest of the evening went fine, like nothing was wrong. That is...until we went to bed.

I got undressed, like I normally do, in just a tshirt, and hopped in bed. I heard him in the bathroom closet (where we keep our implements) but thought that he wasn't really going to spank me. He probably was looking for a comfy shirt for bed. And since I don't feel like getting spanked, then we wouldn't do it. I am the one who has to offer to get him to do it anyway. I'm not feeling submissive and he can shove it.

He got into bed and grabbed my arm to guide me onto my belly. I resisted, asking him what was up. He asked me what I thought was up as he continued to maneuver me into position. He started spanking me with his hand and I could tell he was upset. He was on a mission. I was not in the mood at all, but I let him have his way. Now, unlike most of you amazing TiH's, I don't remember everything that was said. He did want to know what I did all day after we parted. I was supposed to grab a couple things and go back to work.

Instead, I went to Office Depot to grab some cardstock, CVS to get some prepainted stick-on nails and then spend 45 minutes applying them in my car, Home Depot for paint, Michaels for a paper cutter and beads, Claires to get replacement earrings and a toe ring, and then home to splotch paint on the walls. I didn't make the dinner I had planned and so we had to eat takeout. He asked me again and again what I had been doing (Sorry honey, I didn't remember about the nails until just now). At one point, I got angry. He continued spanking and lecturing and I stewed and kept telling myself "I am submitting to this!" and it was the most confusing thing ever. I didn't want to give up or give in. I rolled onto my side and he asked what I was doing. I told him I was angry and to leave me alone. He wanted to know why I was angry. It was then I realized that I didn't really know.

He said some things that ticked me off, but for the life of me I can't remember what they were. I was just trying to make the feelings make sense but it was all spaghetti in my mind, one feeling leading to another and then another. He continued to speak to me lovingly. I finally broke down. I cried and he held me. He finally reached me, the loving wonderful wife that can't live without him that was buried under a huge pile of hormones and anger and frustration. I was there all along. I confessed to breaking just about every "D" out there and then some. I cried and apologized. I was finally back.

The next morning, we embraced and he smiled. He said I was like a boomerang. He just let me get to far out and needed to help me come back. He said that he won't let me get that far again. He could see how this thing worked now and, even though he didn't understand why it worked, he would stay on top of it from now on. I said I thought I was more like a magnet. I flipped to the wrong side and no matter how hard I tried, the opposing force between us wouldn't let me come back. The spanking was merely the flipping of my magnet, after which, I couldn't get close enough.

I have read it over and over again in so many blog posts; this phenomenon that we all seem to share. I didn't really have much of a problem before ttwd, at least none that I recognized. But now, somehow I start doing my own thing, inching away without even realizing it. Next thing I know I "spiral" and start getting out of control and have no desire to come back to center. The invisible forcefield is up and there's just no changing that so I continue on my not-so-merry way. Spanking is my reset button, my flip of the magnet. Maybe that's what I will call it; The Magnet Phenomenon. It's my theory and I'm stickin to it!

And that is the story of how I got the first spanking I didn't want. But I needed it. I certainly deserved it. From painting my nails to painting the walls, for all the disrespect, distancing, dishonesty,and defiance, that was one well-earned spanking. I am still surprised he didn't make me bend over the bed instead, and wield every implement in his arsenal so that I couldn't sit down for a week. But, this is Hubby we are talking about. We haven't quite drawn a line in the sand about corrective actions. I'm still trying to talk him into it. I know...I'm crazy. But I need consistency and boundaries or I am just going to flip my magnet. It's not on purpose, it's just a fact.

Do you see this in you too? I would love to hear your views on the Magnet Phenomenon.

(((hugs)))

Someone Else's Kids + Download

Yesterday was a pretty bad day. It started out okay from what I remember  I was pretty excited because we just had a business meeting, and while I was still unsure of where I was going with it, I still got some really good advice.

Since the lunch meeting was concluded by 1:10, I knew I would be early to my 2pm therapist appointment. This would be the first time ever I would be early/on time! I was jazzed. But then it happened...

The railroad crossing lights started flashing. Some cars sped up, some slowed. I, who am used to being late, forgot that I had plenty of time to spare and flipped over into aggressive driver mode.

I assumed the woman in front of me was going to punch it, and in preparation for that move, I too started to accelerate with a quickness. She stopped short. I slammed on my breaks, but it was too late. I slammed into her. And lest I neglect to mention it, I had my phone in my hand at the time of the accident.

I was not texting. I was trying to call a company and couldn't figure out why I was getting this weird message. I think that at the split second that I had to react to impending collision, I was lost in a thought while looking at my phone. Now, before you start yelling at me, just know that I have been properly chastised by many in the ttwd community already. Read the rest of the post, and you will see why this will NEVER EVER happen again.

Her Car

My car (after I put the center pieces back in)

As you can see by the pics, the damage was minimal. My van was more damaged than her car. A little trading of paint. I have a few cracks in the bumper. Did I mention she was driving a brand new 2013 Mercedes? Yeah... I am not sure I could've hit a more expensive car.

She was so sweet about the whole thing. Both of us were shook up. We ended up hugging. I felt so bad. She knew she stopped short. I knew I was following too close. I didn't mention the phone. I did get a ticket for careless driving. In order to keep the points off my record, I have to do a 4 hour online class. I've done this class before, and let me tell you, it is painful. They have a timer, so you can't just test and get it over with. You have to sit at your computer for 4 full hours. The last time I got a ticket, it was for speeding, and I think the cop was full of it but there's no fighting the cops in our town. They get paid overtime to show up to court and it's always their word against ours. Thankfully, this accident happened a few towns over and the cop was really nice.

You would think that the accident would've been enough to make me never want that stupid phone in my hand while driving again, but no. I didn't think twice when texting someone later on. It's become such a habit, that who knows how much time I spend on my phone while driving. But it didn't seem to matter to me, and that really bothered me.

Hubby hinted at a spanking later, but he wasn't really serious. When I spoke with him about the situation, he said that the same thing could've happened to him. He wasn't so happy to hear that the incident didn't change my behavior. I felt guilty as hell. As we spoke, I could feel the weight of my errors crushing me. I started to cry. I told him I felt really guilty about it and he offered to help me with a spanking. I agreed.

He started with the cane, which really surprised me, but this was serious spanking. He lectured me on how he needed me and the kids needed me. He couldn't lose me over something as stupid as a phone. He switched to the "closer" and said the one thing that made it all clear to me, "What if it were someone else's kids you killed because you were being careless?" I completely lost it. My life doesn't mean as much as it should to me. But to kill someone else's kids? Because I wanted to check my email? That was the clencher. And that is why I will NEVER EVER do it again. The spanking hurt. The words hurt worse.

My phone now has a designated cubby in the car where it will be the entire time I am driving. If I need to look at something, check for directions, make a phone call, or text someone, I can pull over and get my phone out. There are plenty of parking lots around and no excuses.

Furthermore, I made a lock-screen wallpaper for my phone. Any time I push a button to wake it up, the picture there is enough to catch my attention. I am sharing it with you so if you would like, you can use it on your phone. I can alter it for you if you would like, just email me. Here's how it looks on my phone:

And here is the pic you can copy for yours:

Please trust me that this will never happen again. I am so sorry about it. And I have paid, and will continue to pay for a while to come, the price for my poor decisions. I will never do it again. And I hope that if you have this habit, that you will take into consideration what is at stake here. It's not just your life, or the lives of your family, but other's too. If that lady didn't have her foot on the brake, I could've pushed her into the path of an oncoming train. I know this. My eyes are open, and from now on, they are on the road, not on my stupid phone.

And if for some reason I backslide, my phone will be taken away from me and replaced with a flip phone that has no access to anything. But trust me, this won't happen. My phone will always remind me that it's a bad idea.

Please be kind in your comments. I'm already sorry.

(((hugs)))

Fear and Longing

Look! It's my brain!!!

So much about this DD ride can be so confusing. Take for instance Sunday night. It was nothing short of perfect. Hubby took me to a place that I needed to be. He did everything right.

And then he left...

He realized later that night that he had to go to a meeting that was 4 1/2 hours away. This meant that after not seeing much of each other all Monday, he had to take off after one of the kid's sporting events. He drove until 11 pm, found his hotel, spent the night, did his meeting thing, and then got home at dinner time. Since he was up until 2 am, he was exhausted when he got home, and I was irritated.

I had done nothing but obsess about him the entire time and he just wanted to go to bed. I wanted to serve him with all of my being and I felt like I was being ignored. I needed him to be in the same place I was and he just wasn't. I felt abandoned, but I couldn't talk to him. I got angry, hurt, and frustrated. We weren't communicating in the same language. I would say one thing, and he would hear another.

There's a great analogy of how men and women communicate. A man will go look in his closet and say, "I have nothing to wear." What he means is that there are no clothes in the closet because they are in the laundry. A woman will go to her closet and say, "I have nothing to wear." Of course she means that she doesn't have anything to wear that will fit her needs at the time. There are plenty of clothes in the closet. She just doesn't like any of them.

I feel that way when I talk to Hubby. I say I need "motivation" and he hears "nagging" instead of what I mean, which is really spanking and/or the threat thereof. Now before you get your panties in a wad, let me just say that we are all different in our needs of ttwd. Some just need the idea. Some need the action. Some need the guilt. Some need praise. We all need love in our own way. For me this means that I need to feel Hubby's dominant presence. I need to be afraid that I will be spanked beyond anything I've experienced if I don't comply. Fear motivates me (at least I think so right now). Not fear of Hubby (I'll never fear him. He's too lovable!). Fear of consequences. It's always what kept me in line when I was younger.

For some, it's not fear but guilt. Guilt can motivate me too, to some extent. Thanks to a long chat with Willie, who can throw a guilt bomb like nobody's business, I realized that if not fear as the motivation, maybe I think about it in terms of what Hubby feels about certain things. That, my friends, is a fine guilt bomb if I ever saw one. And it's not the guilt where I beat myself up. It's the guilt that causes me to take action because I can't stand the thought of him hating a situation that he should love (dirty vs clean home) and that I have control over.

Pleasing him does not motivate me. It should, but it doesn't. That makes me feel bad that it doesn't, but does not cause me to take action. Don't get me wrong, I love to make Hubby happy. But if he were to ask me to do something because it would please him, I may start but I won't finish. But... Had he caught me in the time after the big spanking but before I got derailed, when I would do anything to serve him, then yes; I would've gone to the ends of the earth to please him. But it took spanking me until I cried to achieve that. It took pain, fear of more pain, and panic. I rode that post-spanking high for 24 hours. If he could've been home, I would've done anything for him. What power he wields over me!

I got spanked again last night. It wasn't near the intensity. He lectured about my half-finished cleaning projects. He talked about how we need to be a good example to our children. He talked about how he doesn't want to nag me and that we've already got 2 brats, he doesn't need another one. That got me thinking about if needing to be spanked was childish, and if not, then what is it? Because I don't think it is. What say you?

So many things whirling in my head! I need a glass of wine...

(((hugs)))

Love and Idiot Lights

I've been working on several posts in my head, none of which would make a whole post; more like a blurb. I finally have a little something though.

Thanks to Dana (again), I decided to go take my Love Language test. Obviously, if you couldn't tell by the ((hugs)) I leave everyone, I am a physical touch person. What I found interesting is how Hubby was so different (yes, I made him take the test too). Mine looks like this (from most important to least):

Physical Touch
Quality Time
Words of Affirmation
Receiving Gifts
Acts of Service

Quality Time and Words of Affirmation tied for 2nd.

Hubby's profile looked more like this:

Acts of Service
Quality Time
Receiving Gifts
Physical Touch
Words of Affirmation

Quality Time and Receiving Gifts tied for 2nd, but he said that receiving gifts was the lesser of 2 evils. When asked "Would you rather your wife tell you how wonderful you are or surprise you with a little gift?" he would choose gift because he feels no need for words of affirmation.

It's so important for us to know each other's love language so we can see how to love each other best. I have kind of always known that he was and Acts of Service guy, but I didn't know that that's how he feels loved. Looking around at the house, you could plainly see that I have not been loving him in the way that he needs.

We have a tendency, as people, to love others in the way we feel love, not in the way that they need it. No wonder so many people feel so unloved. If we understood each other better, then maybe there would be less divorce, breakups, and heartache in this world. I urge you all to go take the love languages test; you and your significant other. It's free and only takes a few minutes. After the test, you will receive and email with your results and it also has suggestions on how you can show love to your SO according to their love language.

I have not been doing well loving Hubby how he feels loved best, and really I never have. This morning was a prime example. Every morning I am to get up and get the kids ready to go to school so that when he is done showering and getting dressed, they can all walk out the door. I made sure they got dressed for the most part and then I went back to bed. Once he was done, he had a lot of stuff to do to finish getting the kids ready, like finding backpacks and making snacks. He was pretty upset, made a few comments, and generally was in a mood that looked more like I was in for it.

Of course I wasn't. I should've been. I rightly deserved to be. I was half expecting him to come home, demand I get out of bed, and bend over the end of it. I expected him to grab the leather paddle, pull down my panties, and let loose on my behind all the while lecturing me on how I know he needs my help in the morning and how it's my responsibility to help him. He didn't. Instead, he came home in a good mood talking about how he let his best friend borrow his motorcycle for the day. I, of course, feel guilty for not doing what I should've. And what is the best way to assuage that guilt but to bare myself for punishment.

I've been doing a lot of reading and realized that that is what punishment is for. I was so confused about it before. Why do I feel the need to get spanked? It's how I could get rid of the guilt that plagues me, and according to my therapist, guilt is and always will be my biggest struggle. Receiving a spanking also how I show my submission. When Hubby and I are intimate, I will often lay on my tummy so he can have his way with me. He loves to watch me wriggle while he paddles away. (I know...TMI...sorry) So while he may want to punish by making me do chores or taking away privileges, he misses the point of the punishment. My guilt does not go away by doing chores of loosing my phone. My guilt goes away when I feel like I can cry it out. Does this make sense?

Finally, I want to leave you with something on a lighter note. Yesterday morning I was driving around when I noticed this idiot light staring at me. I had never seen anything like it before, but being of the same mindset, I am sure you can see what I was thinking.

I know now that is a low tire pressure indicator light. But what does it look like to you?

Have a good weekend! (((hugs)))

DD Rules for Beginners

Rules for Beginners

I figured this might be helpful for anyone starting out in DD/ttwd. It's a outline of ideas for the basic setup of the rules. Everything is negotiable. Well, until your HoH says it isn't. 

Please remember as you read this; this is my interpretation and how we do ttwd. This is not how everyone does it, nor how everyone should do it. Please take it with a grain of salt. Think of this as a kind of template, if you will. 

Okay. Lets start with the D's. I believe that these are rules without exceptions for the most part. There were 4 D's, kinda like cornerstones, but it has recently been changed by many to add a 5th D as it seems to be pretty prevalent in most visible relationships (one's you can read about on blogs). I've included a basic definition, and example, and my own personal notes for each one. 

Disobedience: lack of obedience or refusal to comply; disregard or transgression. Ex: One of your rules is that you are not to let the gas tank get below 1/4. You looked down at the gas gauge and it's on E. You broke that rule. Personal Note: It's not just about the line between right and wrong, it's also about being aware when you are about to cross that line, regardless of intent. 

Defiance: a daring or bold resistance to authority or to any opposing force. Also, open disregard; contempt. Ex: You decided not to fill up your gas tank even though you know it's at 1/4 and you are supposed to fill it. Personal Note: It's still defiance if you are trying to skirt around the rules. 

Disrespect: lack of respect;  discourtesy; rudeness. Ex: You broke the 1/4 tank rule. But it's a stupid rule anyway. Your HoH asks you about the tank and you say exasperatedly that it's below 1/4 tank but it'll be fine. Personal Note: Attitude is everything. Treat your HoH how you would like him to treat you!

Dishonesty: lack of honesty; a disposition to lie, cheat, or steal. Also, a dishonest act; fraud. Ex: You know the tank went below 1/4 but you quickly fill it up and try to forget that you were supposed to get it done before that. You lie when your HoH asks you about it, or you fail to mention it on purpose. Personal Note: A lie is a lie is a lie! You best own up.

Distancing/communication: cool, aloof, unresponsive, uncommunicative, and unwilling to be vulnerable Ex: You feel guilty that you let the tank go below 1/4. The guilt is making you cranky at your HoH. You decide to keep brooding instead of just talking to him about how you feel. Personal Note: Communication is the key to everything. If you can't talk about it, ttwd is not going to work. Relief comes with talking it out. 

So that covers the 5 D's. They are usually all considered to be Corrective Action worthy.

Building/breaking habits: We all have stuff we need to quit or start doing. DD can be a great tool when your HoH keeps you accountable. Ex: Remembering to remove trash from the car everyday, making sure to work out 3 times/week, starting but not completing a project or chore,  etc. Recommendations: First offense: Verbal Warning. Second offense: Reminder. Third offense: Corrective Action/Reset.


Discipline

Reminder: Minor infractions Not as drastic as a Corrective Action, Reminders are for minor offenses, habitual offenses, or the next step after a Verbal Warning. 

Corrective Action: Major infraction. Ex: Breaking any of the 5 D's, breaking a rule, third offenses on habits, or it could be something like cheating on your diet. 

Creative Discipline: This method could account for or could be combined with another punishment. This category could include removal of privileges, corner or room time, performing chores or duties, etc. 


Tips: 

• Any physical discipline needs some talking/holding/loving time afterwards. Lecturing while disciplining is fine, but you may need to ask your HoH for a refresher after because listening isn't at it's best during. Some alone time after is also suggested, but only if your HoH believes you need time to think about what you've done and what you will do to change it in the future. Or it may be that directly afterwards you are to complete a task. It's up to your HoH. He is, after all, the HoH.

• When you do make up new rules, you have to decide whether the new rule is about a habit you need help with or a general rule. Ex: Going to the gym 3 days/week vs the use of profanity. You could put it through the 5 D's test. If it falls under one of the D's, then it is a corrective action rule. If it doesn't, then maybe it's a general rule or a habit rule that requires preventative measures before corrective action is taken.

• You can amend rules and other things as you see fit. It's all a matter of figuring out what works best for you. 

• I was going to add a tip here about consistency, but decided instead to post a link that I believe says it all very well. Holding 49 Percent's very timely post called The Thing About Consistency is absolutely spot on. Consistency doesn't lie solely on your HoH's shoulders. 

I hope this has been helpful for you! Remember, it's just to give you an idea of the basics. If you have anything to add that you might think is helpful for Newbies, please let me know so I can add it. 

(((hugs)))

Trust and Date Night Funnies

Yesterday was pretty crazy day. I had to clean out my car (under the seat where the kids sit) before I even got my day started. That was very VERY icky. Then we needed to meet for a workout session. I was five minutes late. Ugh...

After all that, it was time to go see my therapist. She's a pretty great woman. She's very smart. I don't think that I could've gotten through the past six months without her. But I also discovered something else. I could not have gotten through the past six months without Hubby willing to take on ttwd.

Ttwd has forced me to learn how to trust. It's not that I didn't trust Hubby. It's just that I didn't trust him deeply and completely. The amount of trust that it takes to submit myself, my bare bottom, to Hubby and his will is more that I ever thought I had in me. Even he was amazed at the level of trust I had for him.

It really is a testament to submission. If I can trust Hubby with my submissive heart fully, then I can trust him fully when crap hits the fan. When things go badly and I am in crisis, I know he is there for me. I know he will hold my hand through it. I know he will not abandon me. And I know he will always look out for what's best for me. I would not have known this had I not submitted to him to begin with.

My therapist, while she does not know about ttwd, she has noted marked improvement in my ability to cope with situations that involve a high level of stress. I've become a new woman. I may still be unfolding, but I am making progress. I believe that is what ttwd is all about. It's about being a better wife, a better mother, a better friend, and being able to be strong when life throws you a curve ball.

I paid for being late along with letting the gas tank get below 1/4. I was given another discounted spanking, although Hubby didn't see it that way. He's going at his own pace. He's not comfortable with the disciplinary aspect of ttwd. I'm sure he'll get there eventually. In the meantime, I'm left with mixed feelings about it.

He instructed me to pack a couple things. Gramom had the kids for the night and we weren't just going to stay at home. We were going to stay at a hotel on the beach! We had dinner and drinks. And then walked to a bar and had more drinks (If you are ever in Daytona Beach near the Bandshell, stop by the Mai Tai bar and ask for a Lava Flow with a Kraken float. You totally will not be disappointed).

I took notes throughout the night of things you could've heard as we talked (somewhat loudly at times) had you been eaves dropping.

Things said last night:

You know me, I like getting spanked.

So you want a holey paddle?

I can almost feel the embarrassment right now.

That Captain's word is law

Vows made in the storm are forgotten in calm water

Well that threat wiped the smile off your face!

-Poor Lillie had to do sit-ups for eating jelly beans.
-I like the way Ian thinks!

You ate Nemo's dad!

I need a momay (playing off of edemame)

Release the Kraken!!! (Actually said by both of us several times)

Aaaaaahhhhhgggggrrrrrrhhhhh!!! Bobcat Goldthwait circa 1992!

-What?! That's a big swirly mess??
-No. I said it was a big swing and a miss.

Polish manicure: you paint your nails and scrape the ends off. We could sell that sh*t! (Hubby is half Polish and quite funny)

There was so much more but alas, my phone ran out of juice and I didn't have my purse on me. We had a bit to drink. We both had a really good time. By the level of hangover this morning, I would say he more than me. Lol!

Hope your day is wonderful! ((hugs))

Gentle Reminder

Woah....So many things have changed since my last post on, what was it? Saturday? Goodness!

Hubby is home!!! He arrived early Sunday morning just after 1 am. We were up until 2, just holding and hugging and being glad to finally be home together. Sunday morning, I had to get up stupid early to sing at church. I got home at 12:30 just in time for Hubby to take the kids to the park so I could get a nap in. In my post nap blurriness, the rest of the afternoon flew by, not that there was much of it left.

Not much happened Sunday evening. I think we were too tired to do anything. This left me feeling that we weren't going to reconnect. And in my childish, impatient way, that meant it was NEVER going to happen. I'm such a baby sometimes! But I looked forward to Monday morning because I had set aside time for us to be together after the kids were at school. I figured that anything we were going to do to reconnect could be taken care of before 10 am. Hubby had other plans. He was still in work mode. Our time together was short and unfulfilled for me. He however had a good time.

Now, this is not to say that he is selfish, because he typically is not. And he noticed something wrong with me while I was getting ready for work, but I kept denying lying about it. He asked me one last time and in mid-lie I fessed up. I told him how I was feeling like we weren't reconnecting and I needed to feel that way so badly. I cried and he apologized. See? Really he is a very good guy. He said that even he sometimes needs a swift kick in the behind.

I went to a concert later that evening before it started I sent him an email telling him that I don't mean to step on his HoH toes, but I have needs and I need him to take care of them. One of those needs is to be corrected when I do something wrong. When he got home, I thought he would "correct" me for my wrongdoings while he was away. It's not that I was itching for a spanking, but I needed to know that he cared about me making the right decisions. Of course I would avoid a punishment spanking. But I'm submissive by nature. So I had the expectation that he would make things right when he got home. But he didn't.

When I got home from the concert, we had some amazing sex (sorry honey, love-making). It was new, exciting, and way yummy. But he didn't say anything about my email. Nothing was addressed. I felt like he was pretending it didn't exist. I was mad. We hadn't reconnected in the way that I needed. I was being childish and impatient and I knew it. But some things you just can't help, right? Oh whatever...At least I didn't blog about it in the heat of the moment.

Monday morning was met with an unscheduled meeting followed by a scheduled one. I didn't like either of them. I keep repeating in my mind that I am failing at this business thing. Now before any of you jump on my case, I have already been told several times by a fellow blogger that my words are powerful and need to watch what I say/write. I do not feel now like I'm a failure. But I did yesterday. I asked Hubby to take lunch with me so we can talk about it. I found talking to him helped a lot but I still had unresolved issues and he knew it.

He brought up the email. He said that he didn't want to "correct" me for those behaviors because of the time that had elapsed since then. He would rather be more immediate, or as much as circumstances afford at the time. I complete understood his point. But he did agree to help me relieve 2 weeks worth of stress plus a little motivation in the realms of communication and organization (my new best friend. Ha!). It was one whopper of a whoopin'. I was bright red and stingy and sore. But I was reconnected fully and lectured and motivated.

Not that any of that kept me from a "gentle reminder" later that evening. I wasn't listening exactly when Hubby was lecturing about organization. I heard the word but not the instructions. So later that evening when he asked me what I had organized, I looked at him and said "Huh?" Yeah, listening might be helpful if I want to avoid reminders.

Tonight I got another reminder...not so gentle, on the bare, with the evil hairbrush. I didn't get anything organized and it's completely my fault. I have terrible time management skills. Okay, I have none. It's going to get me into more trouble than I care to think about. You may have trouble with submitting? I have trouble with time management and organization (cleaning). We all have our weaknesses and our HoH's are more that willing to be all HoH-ey about it. Mine is wonderful and I wouldn't trade him for anything. He does listen to me and we do talk about everything and I trust him to do what is in my best interest. I hope you feel the same about yours. I believe that's what it's all about.

Now does anyone have any tips for remembering what I'm told during a spanking?