Sunday, June 2, 2013

Stubborn Much?

Yes. Yes, I know... My last post was overly dramatic and apparently quite common. I'm really thinking ttwd needs to come with a manual; a kind of roadmap of what to expect along the way. Proclaiming in frustrated tears that it's all over and you will never return and you will be sad forever and forever is just one of the many dips in the ttwd road to marital bliss. To be fair, I almost called it all off last month too, so I think a lot of it has to do with hormones, at least on my end. Also, it was about May of last year that I had a pretty big breakdown, so it could also be that time of year? Who knows...

Our timeline of decline went something like this:
Sunday night: TnT and new rule
Monday: Break rule
Tuesday: Break rule again
Wednesday: Get angry at Hubby for not noticing that I broke the rule twice. Stay up late fighting. Get nothing resolved.
Thursday: Fight more. Resolve nothing yet again. Sob hysterically together. The end of the world has come. Decide that ttwd is over for us.
Friday: Tearful goodbye post. Gather all implements and anything else that could remind me of ttwd and put in trash bag on bed. Stay in bed all day. Have unproductive lunchtime talk with Hubby. Stay in bed more. Finally have one last talk after kids in bed. Make up. Ttwd back on.
What did I learn from this week of craziness? Oh soooo much! First of all, I am stubborn.

Yep...that's me! I think that ttwd should go one way and that's mine. Hubby disagrees. Once again, this is another reason to not compare yourself to other couples in blogland. I wasn't so much comparing us to other couples, as adding what they had to my list of things I want RIGHT NOW. So while I tell Hubby that I want him to lead me and our merry band of rebels, I want him to lead my way. Huh? What's that? I'm not supposed to control the leader? Who says? Oh...

Next thing you know, all hell breaks loose in my all or nothing world. I'm upset because I need Hubby to make me a priority and pay more attention to me. He's upset because while ttwd is hard for him, especially the spanking part, he just wants to make me happy and that doesn't seem to be happening.

Our final conversation went something like this:

You didn't even go 24 hours before breaking the new rule!

You had no intention of following through!

But you didn't give me a chance.

I gave you two days. And besides, you didn't take the cane with you to work and you weren't in your office where I was supposed to meet you no later than 9:05. You didn't even know where I was.

How was I supposed to know unless you tell me? 

If you paid closer attention to me then you would know.

Well, I'm not a tyrant. But that's what you need, isn't it? That's what you are asking of me?

I don't know. Probably. I just know that I'm not always going to rat myself out. 

Okay. If you need a tyrant, I can certainly try to do that for you. 

A few more words and then I was rolled over for a magnet flipping I requested. He started off with the spoon and decided that was what he was taking to work with him to take care of me if need be. It packs quite the sting, even over jeans. Yeeeeeouch!!!

The down the pants and panties went and it was off to the races. He brought out the closer and told me something that surprised the heck out of me. He wasn't sure how much I needed him to spank and it seemed to him that it was never quite enough. He told me that he was going to keep spanking me until I told him to stop.

He spanked for a very long time. Hard. Over and over. I said ouch and owieeee and yelped and groaned. I twisted and turned. I tried to get out of the way but his hand stayed steadfast on my lower back, holding me in place. He alternated cheeks. He stayed with one for several swats and then went to the other. He sped up. He slowed down. He sped up again. I was breathing hard and fast. My butt was on FIRE. He reminded me that I could tell him to stop any time I felt I had had enough. I am a stubborn one. I wasn't giving in until I was darn good and ready too. Okay, I'm darn good and ready now. STOP!

He laid atop me, his weight reassuring me that he loves me and he's here for me. And that was all I needed. My fight was all gone. It had left me completely. I felt his overwhelming love for me in that moment. I thanked him because I knew how hard that had to be for him, waiting for me to say "stop". I apologized yet again for the trainwreck I caused.

I told him that I would stop trying to make ttwd into something it's not ready to be. We will get there soon enough. It doesn't all happen at once. And it certainly doesn't happen in one rule. He can mold it into what he thinks is best for us (with a little input from me of course) and I will follow his lead.

I will not break rules on purpose, especially since he will have the wooden spoon and he knows how much I can take, which is apparently a lot more that either of us thought.

I will have enough respect for him and myself to give my best effort every day.

I am stubborn. But so is he. (I may be a bit more stubborn though as evident by my purple bottom lol)

And they lived happily ever after...


  1. So happy for you guys. Big smiles and hugs!!

  2. Been worried... Thanks for the update and glad things will slowly come along as you *both* need.

  3. Yeah! And so the story continues..........

  4. Very glad you decided to keep trying. You know the donkey in the well? They filled it with sand and he walked out. Could this be the answer for TTWD?

    I like the 'I'll keep spanking till you tell me to stop" idea. Very often I just quite feel 'there'. It's a strange feeling, but Starman gets nervous and stops too soon. I might just borrow that one.



    1. Ami, I absolutely agree! I think the donkey in the well and how they rescued him is a perfect metaphor for ttwd.

  5. Wonderful news!! Thanks for the update:)

  6. Hi, I have only recently started to read your blog, and when I read your goodbye post, it felt like reading about my own life! When HoH and I very very first started DD, the same exact thing happened for us...I pushed, tested, and without realizing it, wanted him to to lead, but my way of course. I had not learned how to let go of control yet. We had a very awful argument, and same thing happened - both in tears. I felt like an awful person for defeating the purpose of what I had asked for. We eventually decided it was back on too, but I truly learned I can never do things "my way" again in terms of his leadership. I am soooo happy you both were able to work through it together, and things seem a bit clearer now. I liked this post a lot :)

    A fellow stubborn lady,

    1. Awww...thanks Marie! Amazing how most of us have followed the same path, isn't it? (((hugs)))

  7. SOO glad you found your way back to each other.

  8. I love happily ever afters;)

  9. I so glad for you! Welcome back to where you belong!


  10. Yeah! I am so happy that you worked things out and that you are staying here in blog land.

  11. Oh LM, I am SOO happy that you were able to communicate and work together on a way forward. Yeowie though! I'm glad your hubby was able to give you what you needed.

    Thank you for the update, I was worried about you.

    Keep the communication going and take things slowly. As you said, don't push for it to be something it isn't ready to be yet. You will get there soon enough!


    1. Thanks Roz! I'm taking it as slow as he wants, and he's really stepped it up. So we both learned from this and we are moving along just beautifully. (((hugs)))

  12. Hopefully the two of you can find the balance you need.

    Much hugs

    1. I certainly hope so Sara. (((hugs)))

  13. LM... I'm a horrible friend. I laughed at this post.

    "... I'm not always going to rat myself out."

    "Okay, I'm darn good and ready now. STOP!"

    That's funny stuff right there! Right?

    I feel all teary and mushy, and don't know why I have this sappy little smile, but that cannot mean anything, right? Right? Right.

    Yeah, right. After-effects of all that laughing...

    Big, big hugs for you, from a most horrible friend.


    1. Irishey...LMAO! I am so glad someone found it humorous. You are an awesome friend and I love you bunches. Don't stop laughing. ((((((hugs)))))

  14. Hi LM,
    I have only just found your blog and wanted to stop by and offer my two cents....

    I think that as blog readers we have this notion of how ttwd is supposed to be. we have this image in our head and it never goes the way we plan. If only our men were mind readers.

    I can totally relate to your situation. I am having a hard time being patient and letting things progress naturally.

    So glad you're on the road to recovery. Hang in there.

    1. Thanks Bonnie. I have often wished Hubby was a mind-reader. Here's the problem with that... He could read the good as well as the bad and that would not be good. Savvy? I think I just need to stop obsessing over what I don't have and be grateful for what I do. I also think that I need to step back sometimes when I get my hormones in a bunch. Stupid hormones...Ugh!
      I hope things start working for you too. (((hugs)))

  15. glad you found your way back to each other... Hugs!

    1. Thanks Terps! I have sure been missing you. (((hugs)))