Saturday, July 6, 2013

One Year Blogiversary!

Yay!!! It's been a whole year since I started this blog. Boy oh boy have things changed in the past year...

I outed myself to Hubby as a Spanko

I was frustrated by lack of intimacy

I shared my fantasies

I shared my needs and desires

There were misunderstandings and miscommunications

There was impatience followed by more impatience

There were corrective actions taken

There were tears or frustration, impatience, and self-pity

Hubby learned a lot about me

Hubby began to see the changes in our relationship

Hubby was confused for a long time

Hubby took the reigns and became HoH

We grew closer

We became more intimate

We tripped and fell several times

We fall in love with each other again and again

Even though we were sidelined from November to March, 5 months of hormonal crap that ended in the removal of my uterus, we found each other again. Now ttwd is normal. Hubby and I TnT once a week, or more if I need it. We are a better couple for it all. We are trying instead of just trudging through the day. We strive to be closer. We want to meet each other's needs and desires. Also, sex is absolutely AMAZING!

I love ttwd and I wouldn't have have it any other way. This is not to say we won't have issues in the future. But we will work through them. We will come out better for them.

Here's to many MANY more years!

And a huge Thank You to all of you for riding this out with me! (((hugs)))

Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Disastrous Disrespect

Oh boy did I get in trouble the other night! While my excuses (I was hungry, I was on the third day of my diet, and I was very unhappy) were valid, my attitude was not. You see, earlier in the day, Hubby's friend came over and was talking about how his 7 year old daughter has been asked to be a spokesperson for a mega-company. I said that I would love to get our 6 year old daughter into something. Hubby said "NO!" It was firm and that was that. I tried to say something but he just said no again. I left the room, feeling a little hurt and embarrassed. I went to my room and snuggled with my daughter. Hubby came in later and asked what we were up too. I was snippy and snappy but it put an end to the questioning. Before he left, we had a short discussion about dinner. Apparently he forgot the discussion we had in the garage earlier about dinner. So I texted him what I already said, only he never read it.

I laid down and fell asleep for about 20 minutes. When I awoke, I was in a downright pissy mood. I was hungry and where was he with dinner already? I opened the door to the garage to see if he had already left and he was still sitting there with his friend, yukking it up. I was livid. I told him I thought he had gone to the store already and followed it with a "GOOD NESS!!!" before slamming the door. Now he was livid.

Hubby came into the house, told me we needed to talk RIGHT NOW and motioned me into our room. He shut the door and started to lay into me (verbally). I'd never heard him yell so loudly. He wouldn't let me say anything. He scared the crap out of me. I was in trouble and it was BIG. When he stopped yelling, I said I was sorry. He left and I laid in my bed crying. I was so confused by all the emotions bombarding me. I was scared, hurt, confused, but worst of all...guilty. I had brought this on myself. Regardless of me not getting a say and there being some miscommunication, I was undeniably in the wrong.

Later, after the kids went to bed, he was intent on doing a TnT. We hadn't done one in over 2 weeks because of his travel, and his father staying with us a few days. Hubby noticed that without it, I distanced. I try to become independant instead of leaning on him and I get frustrated. I start to feel neglected. I get angry and belligerent. Without this connection, we are lost to each other. He needs me to need him. He said it's the most wonderful feeling in the world. He wants to help me let go of all these negative emotions, especially the one's that I use to tear myself down. He wants us to stay close to each other. I want that too. It's just that getting to that place is the trick. I need consistent maintenance. That's consistent, not constant.

So we both learned a lesson here. I need to watch my attitude. He needs to not neglect me (a topic for which he apologized again and again). I need to respect him. He needs to love on me. And then we will be Happy, Happy, Happy... lol. Couldn't help myself.

One bummer thing happened. The "Closer" broke. I ordered a new one though, and a couple other implements that I will share with you when they arrive.

The moral of the story? Whatever you do my friends...
(you could get a paddle broken on your!)

Take care and (((hugs)))