Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Is DD right for me?

Since my last post, I have been reading a lot about DD. Is this what I'm looking for? How do I know? I love erotic spanking. But it hinders orgasm. So what does that mean? Does it mean that I need more? If so, more of what?

A little background on my relationship with Hubby. He and I are a perfect match. We never argue. We disagree sometimes, but it's not in anger. We listen to and validate each other's feelings. I get bitchy and spun up sometimes because I'm in a mood and he backs off and let's me alone until I cool down. I feel bad afterwards, but I hardly ever acknowledge it or apologize, which I should (something I need to work on). This month we will celebrate our 10th anniversary. I am more in love with this man every day. He means everything to me, and I to him. We consider our marriage sacred. We communicate fully and honestly. We have that Princess Bride "True Love" that feels so impossibly perfect I think I'm living a dream.

So with all that, how could something be missing? How could I feel like I need anything more? Well, if you look at my history, my half-finished crafts that have taken over everything, the awful condition of my home (especially my bedroom), you can see that something is missing. It's called discipline. I don't have any of it within myself and Hubby doesn't push me. I have a habit of getting upset and beating myself up emotionally because I have failed, but I never fix it. Seriously the dust bunnies are starting to attack my kittens, yet I don't do anything about it. Because I'm lazy. Because I lack the motivation. Because I am not expected to do anything other than what I have been doing all along, absolutely freaking nothing. See where I'm going with this?

I have been put back in charge of my business by Hubby because he got a contracting job that takes up a lot of his time, and he set up my business (that I was in full control of until I slowly started handing everything over to him and my assistant) so that it's streamlined and easy to run. I have to be there at 9:30 because that's when my assistant shows up. My employees are there at 8. When do I saunter in? Usually between 10 and 11. No consequences. No expectations.

I have been told by my most excellent therapist that I have ADD. I can't help but laugh hysterically at this since my life really reflects it in every way. Notice the lack of H in the ADD. I am not hyper, not by a long shot. Adderall makes me stoned. Caffeine puts me to sleep. Nothing works like it should and yet I have no energy. It sucks big time. But this is no excuse to be lazy and I know it. Hubby knows it too. But he won't do anything about it.
I am a horrible example to my children. They don't pick up after themselves. There rooms are a disaster. They don't do anything but watch tv and play games. And where do they get this? From us. Mostly from me. They mirror my behavior. Does that fact make me change? Nope. Will I do anything about it? No. I just don't have it in me to be self-disciplined. I know this about me. Hubby knows this about me.

After reading more about what DD is, I am left to wonder if that's what I truly need. And will I regret it if I can convince Hubby to start? What will change in my heart? In our relationship? In my business? Will I be stronger? More reliable? More motivated? Will I be that person I know I could be if I would just get my lazy ass off of the couch? By the way, Hubby would NEVER say something like that to me. He is so kind and gentle. Convincing him to punish me will take a freakin miracle. He may be a Type A personality, but he's not dominating at all.

Another question: Will I continue to be sexually turned on by punishment spankings? Is this a clue that I wouldn't truly be a good candidate for DD? Or is this just part of how it works? I just want to make sure I'm making the right decision before delving into a lifestyle that will change how we work together.

In my research, I came across a 3 part article at entitled How to Convince Your Spouse to Try DD. The following quotes were very helpful and I believe them to be a great start to a DD relationship.
DD takes 4 foundation cornerstones to work. Honesty, respect, communication and trust.
And I also liked the basic rules to start with, the 4 D's:
nothing dangerous, nothing dishonest, nothing disrespectful and nothing disobedient
So where do I start with Hubby? I once sent him an article about being Taken in Hand and he came home very upset. He said he would never hit a woman like that. He would never punish me, ever! Well...That made me back off quickly and say that that's not what I wanted. To be fair, I wasn't sure what I wanted at the time. So I wasn't lying, not purposefully anyway.

So what does this all mean? What do I really need? Am I like other wives just starting to explore DD? If you are already in a DD relationship as a wife and you were the instigator or the new relationship dynamics, did you feel like I do now? How long have you been at it? How has it changed your relationship? Do you have any regrets?

I have to go now. It's 10:05 and I am still at home. I need to saunter into the office now...

Your help, opinions, and advice are greatly appreciated.


  1. I have also very recetnly started a Taken In Hand with my husband of 9 years. He is not into spanking at all and that's fine with me bc it doesn't do it for me either. Since we started we've been a lot more loving and I feel so much calmer. I too am a lazy ass and he is now making sure I do my chores. I have a chore list that I made up which he can change and enforce however he sees fit. He uses othe punishments like taking things away from me or pleasuring him with nothing in return for me. So far it's been working well for us. He was a little skeptical at first also but he's slowly coming around. Keep trying but don't push too hard.

    1. I did say something to him today about maybe revisiting our previous discussion of last month. I reminded him that it was the one where he said flat out "NO!". After reading a couple more things, I think I may be able to convince him but we'll see. Thank you for the advice and your perspective!