TTWD: Quarterly Inventory Report

Well, it all started with Stormy's post, then Kate chimed in, and then Lillie did it too, so now I have to also. It just makes sense to take a ttwd inventory so I can remember all the changes.

It's the start of Q4 and my blog turned 2 months old on September 6th. The past 2 months have been a red-bottomed, emotionally-charged, life-altering roller coaster. I've gone from what I thought I wanted, to wanting what everyone else had, to learning about my needs, to this thing we didn't do and then did do sort of, to this thing that WE do. It's a work in progress.

The biggest thing that I've learned is that I have a severe lack of patience, as evident by all my whiny posts about not getting my way. Also I am selfish. These are things I will continue to work on. Ttwd is not something that I do alone. Hubby is in it with me 100%. But I spent the first month and a half trying to force it. It doesn't work that way. Hubby has shown great patience and understanding with me. He's started taking the HoH role very seriously. And he is not letting me get away with much anymore.

What has changed?

My attitude towards Hubby

Submissive: It was suggested several times, and great advice by the way, that I change my attitude to be more submissive to Hubby. Instead of expecting him to make me be submissive, I needed to show him that I can be submissive, and moreover that I want to. And I truly want to. I'm not always good at it, but it's a work in progress.

Selfless: I have been entirely too selfish over the years. Sex was always about me and my needs. If I didn't get my big O during our time together, then he "owed" me. I was being childish and selfish. It became difficult for Hubby to want to make love, not because he couldn't, but because I was pushing him all the time about it. Sex happened maybe once a month. I was overbearing and he didn't like it. He wanted a romantic approach. I don't do romance. I just want to f**k. I know, it's total role reversal when it comes to sex. But let me tell you, sex is amazing now. It doesn't matter if I have an orgasm. The intense spanking, Hubby taking me, the passion, the kissing...it's all wonderful and amazing. And sometimes, I just pleasure him and I don't even think about "my turn". I really don't care. I feel free and loved and wanted and cared for, and because of all of that, I am able to give more.

To work on: Honesty, Obedience, Patience

My attitude towards myself

Forgiven: Forgiving myself will always be a struggle, but I can see where I need to and I can work on it and I can feel the difference when I allow myself to go there. I feel like Hubby never held anything against me, even though I held it against myself. He's incredibly forgiving and more than willing to put it behind us, to forget. I drag myself through the ringer a few times and then it sits there in the corner collecting dust, like all my other sins. I will eventually pull them out, dust them off, and beat myself with them as one of my many failures. But no more. I can't change the past. I can only do my best with the future and when I screw up, own up to it, correct it, and move on.

To work on: Procrastination, Motivation, Health

My attitude towards children/work/home

Not much has changed yet. I still let my children run all over me because I'm too lazy to be consistent. I don't get to work on time most of the time. My house is a disaster. I'm hoping for change in the next quarter.

To work on: Consistency, Motivation, Expediency, Organization

So there you have it... What will the next quarter have in store? I don't know but I'm looking forward to it!

How's your inventory looking? (((hugs)))