I've been contemplating how to reply about your blog post and... I'm not sure whether I feel upset, disappointed, or sad about the choices you've made this week. I can remind you, ask you, and if want even yell at you like a drill instructor, but I can't "make" you do anything...
You need to stop saying the house is a mess and pick something up... Stop saying you're going to head to work and just go... and stop drinking caffeine!!!! If I know you, your chest hurts right now and you want to go into your room, close the door and cry... But that is NOT going to happen. You are going to get dressed, take the kids to the park so they can run around, and on your new iPhone5 text me a list of all the reasons why you love being a mom and wife.
I expect that text no later than 4pm and will ask the kids if they went to the park today...
I don't care about any cards you need to run, or errands...the consequence for noncompliance will be the repossession of your phone when I get home. I'm not kidding... I'll get a standard cell phone that only makes calls and eat the data plan for the foreseeable future.
You want me to help you get on track... roger that
Just know that I love you unconditionally...
I know. I'm going now. It's so hard not to cry.
I know lover... But you can do this ...
I thought long and hard about what he asked of me. It's not fear of losing my phone. It's knowing that he is so upset that he would "eat" the cost of the data plan in order to enforce his point. I'm sure that if he were anywhere near home, I wouldn't have been able to sit down for a week. I can't really guarantee that he won't do that when he gets home. He did go pretty easy on me considering.
I texted him back at 3:39.
Why I love being a mom:
Pride. All of my reasons boil down to that one word. They have amazing thoughts and do incredible things. They make me laugh and make me cry. They are so smart. And they are mine.
Why I love being a wife:
I'm not alone and I'm not lonely when I'm with you. We make the perfect team. You make me laugh. You hold me and love me and I'm not as afraid anymore. I love to please you. I love to see you smile and love being the reason that you do.
I'm not good at this. My reasons are probably all wrong. I'm not sure of the purpose of this exercise. My love for you and the kids is why I feel like such a failure.
Thank you...
Now please text me a pic of the kids at the park ... (I did as he asked)
Excellent... Now make that picture the wall paper on your phone
Done.
Thank you...
They look happy! The seem glad to be outside and they are grateful you brought the to the park ....
Yes
The "point" of the request is simple...for you to do what I asked of you.
Alright. I understand.
Good... :)I didn't know I could be taken in hand from 2,367 miles away. A later request from him had us going to see Finding Nemo 3D. It is the same as the movie we already have, only very 3D-ier. The detail was amazing. It was a late night and the kids went down pretty easy when we got home. I did too come to think of it.
Hubby requested that we go to church. I typically don't go without him unless I'm singing, so this was a challenge in itself. We were there on time. I was uncomfortable. It's not that I don't know anyone, just that I feel incomplete without him.
After church, we did a little shopping, got some stuff for the kittens, and some groceries. It was a pretty relaxing day. I'm hoping to get the house picked up by Saturday. I would like for the kids to have fun that day since the rest of the week will be spent trying to reclaim our living space.
I really can't wait for Hubby to get home. I don't care if the first thing he does is correct me for my transgressions or make passionate love to me or even pass out because it's too darn late to do anything and we will deal with it all the next day. I just want him home. 2 weeks is too long. :(
(((hugs)))
Now this is so much better/happier than the last post. Your hubby seems like a super guy :)
ReplyDeleteHe really is. And he makes me want to be a better wife. I can't wait til he gets home!
DeleteThis exchange between the two of you is beautiful! Very touching.
ReplyDeleteI love what you said about feeling incomplete without him. I get the same sort of feeling whenever my husband has to miss an event or get together. Just doesn't feel the same!
Tess, I think that if I would listen to you more often I would get into less trouble! It's hard to maintain without them...
DeleteYeah much better. And that is how I would define taken in hand. Sometimes that is just what is needed, I understand that. other times, I feel like I just need to get my butt up myself, and then I do that too.
ReplyDeleteHi Julia! I definitely felt taken in hand for sure. I wish I could get my butt up. ;)
DeleteWow - that hubby of yours is really becoming quite the HoH. That is exactly what taken in hand is....in my opinion. If I got this text from Ian, it would do two things: scare me into doing what he said and make me feel completely loved and cherished.
ReplyDeleteHe is worried about your caffeine from where he is in the world. Dd is just amazing!
:)
Hiya Lillie! Isn't he taking this HoH thing and running with it? Lots of things have become defined since he's been gone. I feel like he cares for me like he never has before. Dd is amazing! ((hugs))
DeleteYou have one very smart, intuitive, strong hubby!
ReplyDeleteYou can do this! You have the gumption to turn this week around and it looks like you have already started. So great Lilmisses.
Hi Susie, Hubby is definitely all that and more. Thanks for the encouragement. I'm going to give it my best, as soon as I can get rid of this raging headache.
DeleteYour post made me smile - it is lovely to see how your HoH stepped up from so far away and still helped you. He knoew exactly what you needed. Sending positive thoughts your way that this next week goes better for you.
ReplyDeleteHi Cat! Nice to "meet" you. I think that no matter how your HoH is raised, he instinctively knows how to step up and be an HoH. I've read it over and over again.
DeleteThanks for the positive thoughts. I need to get rid of my headache and then I can get rid of the mess. I need a magic cleaning fairy. Know where I can get one?
Haven't got a clue for finding a magic cleaning fairy but if you find one, please post her location so we can all contact her! :D
DeleteLM, thanks for a great post!! It sounds like he knew just what you needed!! I hope your headache goes away soon!
ReplyDeleteThanks Nikki. I hope it goes away soon too. It's all tension and stress...and maybe a little caffeine withdrawal thrown in for good measure.
DeleteFrom one long-distance DD gal to another (for a very short time anyway), I'll tell you what you now know: yes, they can take you in hand no matter HOW many miles away they are. :)
ReplyDeleteI am so glad for you that your husband is stepping up and being strong for you. I can see how much you want to please him, and how much he loves you, and it seems like you two are on your way to a very fulfilling DD relationship.
I think we are Molly Rose. It really feels like we are moving in the right direction. I'm very glad he doesn't have to go away very often.
DeleteHow soon are you getting married?
We're getting married in three months. I cannot WAIT!!
DeleteHere's another way to look at this... how amazing is he, that that far away he can take control, and bring you back to where you need to be. How amazing are you for taking his hand across the miles and giving him your submission to his leadership! He needs to lead for it to work, but you also need to follow.
ReplyDeleteYou may have had a slip (and I understand how easy that is with distance in the picture)and you took responsibility for it. Take responsibility for your success as well. (((hugs)))
June, that is a great way to look at it. Thank you! Some day I may write a post about how awesome I did... As soon as I do something awesome. lol! (((hugs)))
DeleteHope you have a very productive week :)
ReplyDeleteThanks Cowgirl! I am sure gonna try.
DeleteYour husband sounds like a peach. Now live up to his image of you. You can do it. Enjoy the week and make him proud.
ReplyDeleteI am working on it sunnygirl. Keep your fingers crossed!
DeleteI've read a few of your posts, and some comments around blogland. I think there is far too much emphasis on punishment and spanking sometimes.
ReplyDeleteThis, what you write right here in this post, is exactly what Dd/ttwd is. At least to me.
I think that you might find, that with your husband's effort (as shown in his text), that you will feel stronger and more capable, and you'll be able to tackle some of those things that you find yourself struggling with. Not b/c he punishes you for not doing something, but b/c you feel his commitment to your success is so strong, that he won't let you fail. For me, just knowing that H has the authority in our marriage, has helped me change myself so much. And he is changing himself right alongside of me. That spirals upward all of the time.
What you wrote here is so sweet! So happy for you! Oh, and
I love Finding Nemo- gotta chk out the 3D-ier version.
Gotta love Dorie! :-)
Hi Elysia, thanks for the advice. I'm not sure I agree with you on the punishment thing. I don't believe that I blog or comment any more or less about spanking. Anything I've written about it, I do so more out of processing what I perceive around me, be it online or home. If anything, I've found a home here in ttwd blogland with all of you wonderful women (and men). I find that what they write is so similar to what I feel, and that even though we all have different versions of ttwd, we connect like family. I just love it!
ReplyDeleteYou know what's funny? I heard a joke that went something like this: All parents know 2 addresses; their own and P. Sherman 42 Wallaby Way Sydney. LOL!!! I do love Dorie very much! She's awesome. Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming swimming swimming... ((hugs))
Hi LM,
ReplyDeleteWho doesn't love Dorie?
You know, I think I talk more about punishments and spankings that you do, LM. The reason I do, is because I really need to process how I feel about them......It is a lot to take in sometimes.
You're right though, isn't that the wonderful thing about this community, the fact that we can talk to each other about who we really are, not the person we have to be to the outside world.
I think Elysia is right, about a different dynamic in the marriage, just knowing that your husband is in charge.
The physical reality of spanking still makes it something I have to talk and write about with someone.
Cheers,
Lillie
Well I have been lurking around DD blog land for quite some time, and just stumbled upon your blog last night. I have say I was drawn to your blog for various reasons but the main one being that your husband and mine seem very similar. You see, I don't think my husband was ever really the dominant type when we got married, as in Lillie's Ian, or Stormy's Ogre , ( kinda 'crushing' on them ;) ). Or who knows maybe he was but I was too busy bull dozing through life in my early 20s. Anyway, just a tad about me, I'm not sure I need DD to accomplish tasks, well I suppose we can all use improvement. I'm not really a brat ( although OTHER people's husbands have express an interest at one time or another to want to inflict pain on my person LOL), but I want the RELATIONSHIP that so many seem to have. The closeness- mine is also similar realationship to what you described it was with your husband. Man, sorry to make this about me.
ReplyDeleteWhat I really wanted to say, is I have been soul searching about this for quite some time. Even living like I am living the lifestyle already, as suggested. I have noticed some changes. You have inspired me to actually talk to my husband!- well sooner than I expected anyway. Infact if he had come in to the room while I was reading last night and asked what I was reading I was ACTUALLY going to tell him, ( he didn't)
Thank you for sharing, and opening up. Not only are you helping yourself, by the sounds of it, but you are helping others by doing so. Best of Luck. * C
PS. Why are my hands shaking? lol
Hi C! Welcome and ((hugs)).
ReplyDeleteFirst off I would like to say that what you are about to do is really hard, but stick with it. It will get better. Your hands are shaking because you are about to make a huge change in your life and it's scary. Us humans aren't fond of change, but it is necessary. As an old friend used to tell me again and again, "Change is opportunity." Really it is! You have an opportunity for growth in your marriage that not many people even consider. You have an opportunity to be closer to your husband than you have ever been. It's an incredible feeling to be that close. There are a lot of changes that have to occur to get there.
Both of you need to have a level of trust with each other than you've ever had before. In your submission to him, you have to trust that every decision he makes and every correction he gives is for your benefit. He has to trust that you won't accuse him of abuse, that you won't play at DD, that you are committed to your relationship and the betterment of it through him. It's a lot to ask of both of you. But the rewards are something you cannot compare to anything you've experienced before. The closeness is phenominal!
My suggestion is this; sit down and have a couple glasses of wine together before bed. Then lay down together and have some pillow talk in the dark. It's a lot easier to be honest when all there is is the sound of each other's voices. Tell him what you've been thinking about and be prepared for his response. Tell him that you would like to send him some links, read him some articles, have him research on his own if he likes, and share with him your heart's desire.
If he's like most hubby's pre-HoH, he will probably say something about how he would never dream of raising a hand to you or treat you like a child. All of his upbringing told him that you never raise a hand or voice to a woman. And you certianly don't punish them! Then they start to think about it. What are the benefits? Is this something I can do? Why does she want this? That's when you send Mick's letter to the HoH. Coming from another man, this explanation is perfect.
It won't change overnight and it may take more time than you want. I have the patience of a toddler, so for me waiting was hard and sometimes I even acted out like a child. Just know that it won't happen overnight, but that's a good thing. You have to learn about each other all over again and in new and exciting ways. Hubby and I started off with long, erotic spankings (which were really what I thought I wanted at first). Then I noticed the stress relief benefit and it became more than just about sex. I have yet to get a punishment spanking, but that will bring yet another dynamic to our relationship.
Above everything else, listen to your heart and know that everyone has their own definition of ttwd/dd. You have to do what fits you and not worry about what everyone else has or does or thinks you should be doing. Okay?
I hope this helped. Let me know if you have any other questions and feel free to email me if you'd like. Take care and God bless!
Thanks. I know it will be a slow process IF it even gets off of the ground. I have my doubts about the HOH aspect. Him wanting/ able to do it. I have been "living' the life as suggested by many. I even printed off a 'fake' questionaire for him to fill out. I wanted to know areas HE thought I could improve in. Basically he said he was happy. Even the things he said 'could' be improved he wasn't displeased about. Except for me not using sunscreen..lol. I know there are a great deal of things _I_ need to work on, so I may have to use that angle, but that is a fountain of emotions I am VERY scared to open the valve on. BUT I suppose that is the point now isn't it?
ReplyDeleteThanks for the encouraging words!
C
I think Hubby felt the same way. There wasn't anything wrong with our relationship the way that it was. But I knew we could have something better. Neither of us expected what happened after a few weeks of spanking. We were closer sexually and emotionally, and I was becoming a new woman...unfolding if you will.
DeleteBut you won't know until you try. Take your time sweetie. It will come. ((hugs))