Thursday, September 27, 2012

A Drunk by Morning, the Tooth Fairy by Night

Yeah! You read that right! I was DRUNK this morning. Be forewarned: This part of the post contains TMI material. It's girlie issues, so read at your own risk.

About 5 weeks ago, I went to see my OB/GYN to get an IUD placed. The IUD is not for birth control. I have fertility issues that prevent pregnancy. It's to help control heavy menstrual bleeding. My period lasts 7 days and the first 3 I can hardly leave the house. The IUD should vastly lessen my period within 6 months. Yay!

So I went to get the IUD placed the first time and they couldn't get it in. My body should really be for the record books for the amount of things that should work but don't and vice versa. They even tried moving me to the ultrasound room so they could look inside as they were inserting it. It was an absolutely painful no-go. That is one of the worst pains ever (comparable to the time I got a cortisone shot in my ear drum). I was screaming to the point that the doctor finally stopped, I think so I wouldn't scare his other patients.

It took 5 weeks to get another appointment. We had joked after the first attempts failed that it would be better if I had pain relief, or maybe even was drunk. Well, it so turned out that Hubby is far, far away and can't help me with the kids, so I couldn't take any meds because they would knock me out for the whole day (Valium and Xanax don't work on me anyway, so I would have to take Lorazepam). My only other option was to get drunk and I would be fine in a couple hours. I asked the nurse about it and she said it would be fine as long as someone else was driving. Well duh! I may be disobedient at times, but I'm not an idiot.


This morning I showed up to work with a fifth of Fireball (cinnamon whiskey) in hand and sat down with the crew while I drank. One of my employees was nice enough to take me to my appointment. It seemed so wrong to be drunk when it was still daylight. I usually reserve that sort of behavior for after the kids go to bed. I got in to my appointment and while it still hurt like the dickens, it's in and all is well. Apparently I have a wicked 90° angle they had to maneuver.

Confession: I decided to drink an iced grande salted caramel mocha (with caffeine) and a coke after all was done. My reasoning was 2 fold; 1, I haven't had caffeine in several days, so it would help keep me awake after I came down from my drunken bliss. I couldn't afford to fall asleep at work. And 2, I'm not having any tomorrow and I'm not picking up the habit addiction again. It's not like I'm going to ever have need to drink that early in the day again and not have help with the kids. Yes, I've told Hubby about it already. He's okay with it, although he thinks I could've found other means to stay awake. I'm not sure what other means he means, but pinching myself or trying to stand up and type wouldn't have worked. I would have just driven home and napped and gotten absolutely nothing done and our employees wouldn't get paid and they would be mad at me. I stand by my decision. That's all I have to say about that...

The day went by fast and I had to get the kids and go back to work. Then we got a pizza and went home to do homework. After all the kiddos got to video-chat with Daddy, they played in their rooms while I had my chat. A blood curdling scream came out of the bedroom. The boy had helped the girl do a flip on his bed and she landed face first into the wooden bed rail. Her eye blackened almost immediately. I applied arnicare to it, so hopefully that will help. The boy has had his 2 front top teeth loose for a very long time. Unlike his sister, he refused to fuss with them at all. But they have a habit of coming out on their own eventually. Today he was showing everyone how far back it would go. I offered to take it out for him (something Hubby would never do because it grosses him out) and he finally acquiesced. It took just a couple firm pulls and it was out. Tonight, I am the Tooth Fairy!

                                        

The kicker in all this? It's picture day tomorrow. Yep...My kiddos, one with a black eye and the other with a missing tooth, are getting their school pictures done tomorrow. Doesn't it figure? We're going for the backwoods redneck look this year. Oh boy...

(((hugs)))

21 comments:

  1. Yikes. Sounds like a rough day for all involved!! Hope tomorrow is better.

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    1. Thanks Nikki. As long as there is no painful anythings tomorrow I will count it as a good day.

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  2. So sorry you were in so much pain but hope after all that pain and trouble, it solves the problem!

    Have had kids with black eyes, cut up faces, self hair cuts, etc. right before pics so have had the award many times. Will gladly pass it to you now. Here ya go "Backwoods Redneck Look of the Year" Award! LOL

    Hope you have a peaceful weekend,
    Cat

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    1. Thank you Cat! I love awards. Ok, not all awards are good I suppose. But my kids look like they were playing cars and a hockey fight broke out. Goofy kiddos! Just glad nothing else is going to happen tomorrow. I need at nice and quiet, uneventful day tomorrow!

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  3. Oh boy LM, what a day for you! Sorry you were in so much pain, but at least it is over with now and will hopefully solve the problem.

    Here's to a better day tomorrow :)

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    1. It's better now. Although today I ended up napping for a few hours. I think I just needed to recoup from yesterday.

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  4. What a day! I guess all four of you can simply be glad that it is over.

    LOL...I had two black eye pictures during grade school. Still creates chuckles.

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    1. Oh these pics are gonna be keepers for sure!

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  5. I truly laughed out loud at "We're going for the backwoods redneck look this year." Too funny.

    B.

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    1. Hi B! I can't believe the craziness of yesterday. It totally looks like they got into a fight with each other!

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  6. What a day!

    Hope you find some peace tomorrow!

    (((((Hugs)))))

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    1. ((((hugs)))) Kate! Today was a better day for sure!

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  7. Oh Lil Misses! This was too funny in one of those, one thing after another after another, kind of way. Ten bucks says that one day, those will be some of your most favorite pictures:)

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    1. Oh you bet these pics will be keepers! I had to bribe the boy to smile and show his teeth. He was embarrassed but I love it. It's classic!

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  8. Oh...LM :(
    That's what you meant when you said "drunk"......oh no....I thought you meant you were going to be high on what they gave you at the hospital. Oh....you poor thing.
    I think that was a day that caffeine was called for, when you can't just go home and sleep it off....
    I absolutely hated it when I was the parent on duty during those times. Ian was/is the tooth puller, ambulance driver for stitches, dislocations, hockey injuries, karate injuries, cracked ribs, broken bones and all purpose sliver remover. He is also the stitch remover in a pinch.
    I do the girlie period stuff and some uncomfortable puberty talking.
    Ian did the "respect your girlfriends" talk with the boy and gives a very scary and effective hairy eyeball to prospective boyfriends that have come around for the daughters. Our oldest daughter's now husband admitted that he was scared stiff of Ian.....heh heh.
    I am digressing.
    The point is that I feel bad for you that you had to handle that situation sans hubby. That is a tough one.
    Hope you feel better. Never had a IUD, but it sounds painful. Put your feet up, Sweetie, I'm thinking. Maybe have another shot of that spicy whiskey. :)
    bigbig hugs

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    1. I'm just glad neither of the kiddos got throw-up sick. I can't do throw-up. I'll pierce ears, pull teeth, clean up wounds. Just don't make me deal with vomit.
      The IUD is typically, for most women, not painful. For me, they had to do some maneuvering that was very painful and left some bleeding after. It should be okay in a couple days.
      I can't wait until Hubby can start scaring off the boyfriends. I'm sure he won't be as intimidating as Ian was though.
      I think I will have some more whiskey tonight. It's already late and I need to go to bed, but since I had a nap earlier, it may be difficult. Time to have a sippy-treat and watch some True Blood.
      Big (((hugs))) my friend!

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  9. Sound like quite the adventure! Sometimes, it's so bad it's funny :) Well, I hope the IUD works. I have the same kind of problems. Yeah, I think we could all whip out some school pictures that would curl your hair, lol! There's not much worse...except maybe those horrid drivers license pictures! Hey! It's almost Sunday.....

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    1. Hiya CG! I didn't even realize until after I wrote the post how much happened yesterday. Sometimes my life is like that. Hubby and I often think of all the adventures we've had and realize that people look at us like we're crazy or they don't believe us when we tell them.
      I look forward to the pictures, almost as much as I look forward to Sunday. (((hugs)))

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  10. Oh my...that sounds really nasty. Sorry you were in so much pain. I hope it solves the problem as intended.

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    1. Hi Molly Rose. I hope so too! Otherwise it was all for naught. (((hugs)))

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  11. I don't want to put a damper on your optimism, but when I got my IUD (and yes, it hurt like hell when it was put in) my periods went from 3 light days (when on the Pill) to 7 heavy ones for all the years it was in. Maybe they are different now and your body won't react the way mine did. I hope so.

    Hugs,
    Hermione

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