A Drunk by Morning, the Tooth Fairy by Night

Yeah! You read that right! I was DRUNK this morning. Be forewarned: This part of the post contains TMI material. It's girlie issues, so read at your own risk.

About 5 weeks ago, I went to see my OB/GYN to get an IUD placed. The IUD is not for birth control. I have fertility issues that prevent pregnancy. It's to help control heavy menstrual bleeding. My period lasts 7 days and the first 3 I can hardly leave the house. The IUD should vastly lessen my period within 6 months. Yay!

So I went to get the IUD placed the first time and they couldn't get it in. My body should really be for the record books for the amount of things that should work but don't and vice versa. They even tried moving me to the ultrasound room so they could look inside as they were inserting it. It was an absolutely painful no-go. That is one of the worst pains ever (comparable to the time I got a cortisone shot in my ear drum). I was screaming to the point that the doctor finally stopped, I think so I wouldn't scare his other patients.

It took 5 weeks to get another appointment. We had joked after the first attempts failed that it would be better if I had pain relief, or maybe even was drunk. Well, it so turned out that Hubby is far, far away and can't help me with the kids, so I couldn't take any meds because they would knock me out for the whole day (Valium and Xanax don't work on me anyway, so I would have to take Lorazepam). My only other option was to get drunk and I would be fine in a couple hours. I asked the nurse about it and she said it would be fine as long as someone else was driving. Well duh! I may be disobedient at times, but I'm not an idiot.

This morning I showed up to work with a fifth of Fireball (cinnamon whiskey) in hand and sat down with the crew while I drank. One of my employees was nice enough to take me to my appointment. It seemed so wrong to be drunk when it was still daylight. I usually reserve that sort of behavior for after the kids go to bed. I got in to my appointment and while it still hurt like the dickens, it's in and all is well. Apparently I have a wicked 90° angle they had to maneuver.

Confession: I decided to drink an iced grande salted caramel mocha (with caffeine) and a coke after all was done. My reasoning was 2 fold; 1, I haven't had caffeine in several days, so it would help keep me awake after I came down from my drunken bliss. I couldn't afford to fall asleep at work. And 2, I'm not having any tomorrow and I'm not picking up the habit addiction again. It's not like I'm going to ever have need to drink that early in the day again and not have help with the kids. Yes, I've told Hubby about it already. He's okay with it, although he thinks I could've found other means to stay awake. I'm not sure what other means he means, but pinching myself or trying to stand up and type wouldn't have worked. I would have just driven home and napped and gotten absolutely nothing done and our employees wouldn't get paid and they would be mad at me. I stand by my decision. That's all I have to say about that...

The day went by fast and I had to get the kids and go back to work. Then we got a pizza and went home to do homework. After all the kiddos got to video-chat with Daddy, they played in their rooms while I had my chat. A blood curdling scream came out of the bedroom. The boy had helped the girl do a flip on his bed and she landed face first into the wooden bed rail. Her eye blackened almost immediately. I applied arnicare to it, so hopefully that will help. The boy has had his 2 front top teeth loose for a very long time. Unlike his sister, he refused to fuss with them at all. But they have a habit of coming out on their own eventually. Today he was showing everyone how far back it would go. I offered to take it out for him (something Hubby would never do because it grosses him out) and he finally acquiesced. It took just a couple firm pulls and it was out. Tonight, I am the Tooth Fairy!

                                        

The kicker in all this? It's picture day tomorrow. Yep...My kiddos, one with a black eye and the other with a missing tooth, are getting their school pictures done tomorrow. Doesn't it figure? We're going for the backwoods redneck look this year. Oh boy...

(((hugs)))