Icing and All the Good Stuff

Every once in a while something catches my eye and really makes me pause to think. This is one of those things...

I'm sharing this not because it's another one of those stupid things that goes around Facebook and never dies, but because it seems to me that these are all excellent qualities in an HoH. Hubby is not just there to be all HoH-ee. He's also their to protect me and love me and cherish me. He's there to kick someones butt if need be. He's there to call me out when I want to lie, and he does it for my good. He's there to hold me when I want to run away. He's there to whisper pillow talk until I start snoring. He's there to kiss me in the morning before I've brushed my teeth. He's there to swat me to get me moving and let me know he means what he says. He's there to wipe my tears as I let go of my guilt and shame. He's there to be vulnerable with me. He's there to help me. He's there to guide me. He's there to love me with all that he is.

Can you tell I miss him terribly? It's only been 24 hours and it kills me to be apart from him. I can't believe the difference ttwd has made in just a couple short months. I feel so much closer to him, so much more trusting, and so much more submissive. I don't get to see him again until late on the 29th. If yesterday was any indication, it will take FOREVER to get there. Yes, I am pouting.

You see, if this had happened before ttwd, yes I would miss him, but mostly for what he can't do because he's not here. It wasn't until just now, as I'm writing this, that I realized that's who I had become (I spent waaaaay too much time trying to figure out if it's supposed to be who or whom). How did that happen? I've always loved him and I've always been happy, but something in me disconnected. I can't say if it was a failing medicine problem or just a part of the person I had become over the years. I've always needed him, but my reasons have changed dramatically. It's no longer because I don't want to be alone or because I need help with the kids.

I need him. I want to please him and love him and be with him. I want to be the wife he deserves, not the shell of a woman I was. I want to put his needs first. And what's amazing about all this is that it's what I want, not what I feel obligated to do. It's no longer a duty. It's a pleasure. It's not a chore. It's a gift I can give him, not because he demands it, but because that's what is in my heart to do. It makes me happy. And now I can honestly say I have never been happier.

And all that stuff in the picture? That's icing. Sharing our hearts in honesty and vulnerability is where the good stuff comes from.

(((hugs)))