Monday, September 3, 2012

I am so Sorry and The 3-4 Day Cruise

First, I would like to apologize to Hubby. I am so sorry I have been impatient and disrespectful. I have completely lacked the understanding of your situation. You are right. You've spent all these years thinking one way and I need to give you more than just a couple days to change that thinking. You are a bright and determined and helpful man. I need to be patient and respectful. I need to not call you out in public. I need to not accuse you of things that aren't true. I am truly sorry for my behavior. I will talk to you about problems first. I will not bring them up to others until I do so. I know now that not only do you read the links I send you, but you read my blog as well. I am sorry I accused you otherwise. I didn't know and I should've asked first. I haven't been the submissive wife I should be and I will make an effort to change that, just as you are making efforts to be the HoH. I am sorry I was defiant. I am sorry I was disobedient. I am sorry I was disrespectful. I am sorry I distanced myself. I am grateful you can see the changes in me as I work to better myself. As I said, I don't know who this person is that I am now, but she's better than I used to be before I started making these changes. I love you so much. Thank you for your understanding and for calling me out. Thank you for not settling for "I don't want to talk about it. Leave me alone." You stood your ground and made me talk to you instead letting me shut down and clam up for a week. You held me as I cried and cried and cried. You are amazing and I am sorry if I lead anyone to think otherwise.

Second, I would like to apologize to all of my readers. I was wrong. Hubby said that you all gave me very good advice. He thinks I have very good friends here and he doesn't want me to sever these connections. He does, however want me to take 3-4 days off from blogging and reading blogs to focus on what is important. He told me my blog title should be "Taking a Cruise" because I would be gone from here that long. I also apologize for anything I said that might have lead you to believe that my husband is something other than the wonderful man that he is. I am the one at fault here. He was even so gracious as to not be angry with me for the things I accused him of. He is so loving and I have no excuse for my behavior. I am so sorry for the things I said and for leading you to believe he is anything less that the wonderful husband he has always been. From my previous words, you would never know what an amazing man he is and how loving and patient he has been with me through all these years. You, my sisters, have given me such great advice and I have been a fool not to heed it. I am so sorry. My heart is breaking at the knowledge that I have been so horrible. I will spend my "cruise" thinking about how I can be a better wife, and a better "sister".

Believe me when I tell you that I am hormonal, over-reactive, and completely selfish. My husband tells me that I need to learn to forgive myself. He is right. I continually beat myself up over how I'm not good enough and wallow in my self pity, instead of trying to be a better person. We are working on this together. We are partners in this. I need not go it alone. And he needs to be able to count on me too.

Sisters and friends, I will see you when I get back from my "cruise" and I will hopefully be a better person for it. (((hugs)))

PS> Feel free to leave a comment. I will read them in my email and will get back to you after my short hiatus.

11 comments:

  1. Take care, my dear. :) Sound like your hubby is a great guy and you guys are working things out very well.
    Have a nice cruise. :)

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  2. Enjoy your cruise. :). It sounds like you guys are getting on the same page. Don't be too hard on yourself. We are all just human and life is messy. Try not to beat yourself up when things happen. Your husband sounds like a great guy....loving and understanding. See you in a few days. I hope you have smooth sailing! :)

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  3. I am so glad you were able to communicate. I do not think anyone thought badly of your husband. I certainly didn't. These kinds of disagreements and misunderstandings happen to everyone. I always tell my students when we make mistakes that is when the greatest learning begins.

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  4. Oh good! Don't you worry, we all know how hard this is and a blog is a good place to pour all of that out. I for one never thought anything less of your husband. In fact, quite the opposite. You have a good cruise and focus on exactly what he asks you to. This is all going to be okay b/c together you are finding your own way and he is already showing signs of being a very good leader.

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  5. I was so happy to see this blog post up this morning Lil Misses! I felt so bad for all that was going on with you over the weekend.

    Don't worry, I don't think anybody thought the less of your husband. These kind of misunderstandings and messy situations happen, especially when heading into something like this lifestyle.

    Hang in there and trust your husband. You both have lots of growing to do, and sounds like your "cruise" will be a great way to take the time for lots of it.

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  6. This sounds like a very wise decision and I am SO glad that you two were able to talk and see things a bit more clearly. Everybody has said it already...this stuff takes time! Enjoy your break from blogland. I take them often too;)

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  7. Enjoy your "cruise." I didn't think any less of your husband after your last post. I'm glad you guys are working this out and it seems he's come up with a pretty fair consequence for being disrespectful. He may not be far off from what you want after all. Also, it's great news that he's actually reading your blog!

    See you when you get back.

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  8. I never thought any less of your hubby either. He sounds like a great guy. I hope you enjoy your break. See you soon! :)

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  9. I became aware of your blog and your situation through Ana's post. I am happy to hear that you and your husband had such a good conversation! Openness and honesty can be hard and scary at times but I think that they are the most important basis for a good love relationship and for personal growth within that relationship, no matter whether the relationship involves DD or not. I hope that you have a good hiatus and I cross my fingers that you and your husband will find a dynamic that works for both of you.

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  10. I smiled when I read your post...I'm so happy for you! It's really great to hear you are feeling so much better and that you and your hubby talked it all out. It come's through in your writing how much more at peace you are after that.

    Have fun on your cruise!!! See you soon!!!

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  11. I'm so late to all of this! I know you are on your way back and just offer *hugs* and support! I have felt a lot of what you stated here and can hear the frustrations. I know that I am harder on myself than anyone else is and I am the last person to forgive myself.

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