Thanks to Dana (again), I decided to go take my Love Language test. Obviously, if you couldn't tell by the ((hugs)) I leave everyone, I am a physical touch person. What I found interesting is how Hubby was so different (yes, I made him take the test too). Mine looks like this (from most important to least):
Words of Affirmation
Acts of Service
Quality Time and Words of Affirmation tied for 2nd.
Hubby's profile looked more like this:
Acts of ServiceQuality Time and Receiving Gifts tied for 2nd, but he said that receiving gifts was the lesser of 2 evils. When asked "Would you rather your wife tell you how wonderful you are or surprise you with a little gift?" he would choose gift because he feels no need for words of affirmation.
Words of Affirmation
It's so important for us to know each other's love language so we can see how to love each other best. I have kind of always known that he was and Acts of Service guy, but I didn't know that that's how he feels loved. Looking around at the house, you could plainly see that I have not been loving him in the way that he needs.
We have a tendency, as people, to love others in the way we feel love, not in the way that they need it. No wonder so many people feel so unloved. If we understood each other better, then maybe there would be less divorce, breakups, and heartache in this world. I urge you all to go take the love languages test; you and your significant other. It's free and only takes a few minutes. After the test, you will receive and email with your results and it also has suggestions on how you can show love to your SO according to their love language.
I have not been doing well loving Hubby how he feels loved best, and really I never have. This morning was a prime example. Every morning I am to get up and get the kids ready to go to school so that when he is done showering and getting dressed, they can all walk out the door. I made sure they got dressed for the most part and then I went back to bed. Once he was done, he had a lot of stuff to do to finish getting the kids ready, like finding backpacks and making snacks. He was pretty upset, made a few comments, and generally was in a mood that looked more like I was in for it.
Of course I wasn't. I should've been. I rightly deserved to be. I was half expecting him to come home, demand I get out of bed, and bend over the end of it. I expected him to grab the leather paddle, pull down my panties, and let loose on my behind all the while lecturing me on how I know he needs my help in the morning and how it's my responsibility to help him. He didn't. Instead, he came home in a good mood talking about how he let his best friend borrow his motorcycle for the day. I, of course, feel guilty for not doing what I should've. And what is the best way to assuage that guilt but to bare myself for punishment.
I've been doing a lot of reading and realized that that is what punishment is for. I was so confused about it before. Why do I feel the need to get spanked? It's how I could get rid of the guilt that plagues me, and according to my therapist, guilt is and always will be my biggest struggle. Receiving a spanking also how I show my submission. When Hubby and I are intimate, I will often lay on my tummy so he can have his way with me. He loves to watch me wriggle while he paddles away. (I know...TMI...sorry) So while he may want to punish by making me do chores or taking away privileges, he misses the point of the punishment. My guilt does not go away by doing chores of loosing my phone. My guilt goes away when I feel like I can cry it out. Does this make sense?
Finally, I want to leave you with something on a lighter note. Yesterday morning I was driving around when I noticed this idiot light staring at me. I had never seen anything like it before, but being of the same mindset, I am sure you can see what I was thinking.
I know now that is a low tire pressure indicator light. But what does it look like to you?
Have a good weekend! (((hugs)))