A Little Geek Speak Goes a Long Way

Thursday was a complete bust. The Boy was sick and had a temperature of 102.3. :(  The Grandma decided she would rather have the kiddos Friday night. Turns out the Boy was sick again, but she said she would take him anyway, just not overnight. Since I had extra time, I was able to write a special manual just for my super geeky Hubby. Here's the manual I wrote:
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WIFE 1.41

Welcome to Wonderful and Intelligent Female Extraordinaire or WIFE 1.41 Operating System manual. As you may have noticed, the hardware interface has remained the same, but the new software update to 1.41 from its former 1.30 version has dramatically changed how the operating system performs. Please read this manual thoroughly to avoid conflicts with the updated operating system.

The 1.41 OS upgrade has many changes from prior performance. Updates to this will manual happen regularly as new features are discovered.


CHAPTER 1


Base Functionality

Interfacing of WIFE 1.30 with the Therapist 5.0 application caused your WIFE unit to require an operating system upgrade to 1.41.  Therapist 5.0, while generally effective for defragmenting the WIFE unit’s main hard drive, resulted in several conflicts with the hard-wired memory.

Though base functionality of your WIFE unit remains intact, known changes have been noted in the following chapters of the this manual. Please be advised that Therapist 5.0 will continue running the defragmentation application in the background. This may or may not cause errors during programming.


CHAPTER 2


Best Practices

Your WIFE unit should always be kept clean. Never immerse in water for long periods or expose to electrical shock. Keep away from fire and combustibles. Not dishwasher safe. Lay flat to dry. In the event your WIFE unit displays errors, please see the troubleshooting guide.


Important Notes

As previously stated, your WIFE unit’s base functionality has not changed. All hardware, including access ports remain intact. However, the port designation for the RCTM (Regional Colon Terminal Mount) has been altered to accept a sheathed digit or miniplug. Please be advised that once the RCTM port has been securely outfitted, the device(s) cannot be used in the VGNA (Vulval G-spot Natural Access) port.


Accessories included with your Wife update:

SPANK (Sore Posterior Arouses Naughty Kink) tools: Paddle and bamboo spatula
RCTM devices: Digit sheaths and miniplug
VGNA device: Manual port stimulator
Alternate light sources: Candles


Other accessories available upon request. Please call 1-800-ShoeBox.


CHAPTER 3


Your WIFE unit: What’s different?


New Language

Your WIFE unit is easily programmed now using the E+ (Emotions Plus) language. E+ is derived from the congruence of WIFE 1.30 and Therapist 5.0. Because such blending between units has occurred, it is impossible for the effects to be weeded out, nor is it advised to try such a maneuver. Learning the E+ language will help you avoid common mistakes. Tags like <Heartfelt Apology>, <Yes Dear>, and <Let Me Help You With That> are used often in programming your WIFE unit. Also, please be aware that if your WIFE unit shows signs of Monitor leakage, you must quickly run the EmoOvrLd algorithm; <if WIFE=”Cry” then Hold+Comfort+Assure>. Avoid stack overflow by keeping E+queries to a minimum.


Vacation Time

You will need to run the Vacation application bimonthly with the SEX (Software EXchange) module to achieve optimum success. While the vacation application need not run continuously, it is encouraged that you run it whenever you see fit, with or without the SEX module. Alternately, the SEX module can run independently of the Vacation application by running VNLA (Variable Natural Linking Application).

The Vacation application requires SPANK tools. RCTM and VGNA devices may be used with or without the Vacation application. All tools and devices are located in the ShoeBox storage compartment. Your WIFE unit is fully programmed with all sanitation protocols.


DATE Night

You should run the DATE (Direct Attention & Time Exercise) application weekly for best response from your WIFE unit. DATEs can include but are not limited to;

Presentation of action on continuous film

Moving unit rhythmically in a pattern of steps

Consumption of nutriments

Other creative acts your WIFE unit will accept without error


CHAPTER 4


Tips for Optimum Performance

Tenderness. Kisses, hugging, cuddling, and other forms of affection are not only acceptable, but may be required.

Do Not to attempt programing while your WIFE unit is in sleep mode.

Your WIFE unit needs regular maintenance including cleaning, dust & hair removal, which is acceptable and is encouraged.

While there are times your WIFE unit may display errors, it is integral to the proper function of said unit that you fully program reminders into the task list application.

When reviewing programming subjects that may be too embarrassing for the WIFE unit or yourself to communicate via direct interface, other indirect methods of communication such as email or text are acceptable.

SPANK tools will be required by your WIFE unit while Vacation application is in use and at other times you deem necessary. Please see chapter 3 under Vacation Time for more information.

Warning! WIFE unit may not be capable of processing all requested actions. Please run the Patience application at this time to avoid any fatal errors.


Troubleshooting

When troubleshooting your WIFE unit, please run common tags listed in chapter 3 under New Language before attempting a reboot.

Problem    Solution
WIFE unit returns “Null” or “Not Implemented Exception”    Use <I Love You> tag and let WIFE unit have 15 minutes to return query
WIFE unit returns Stress errors    Run DATE application and/or use SPANK tools
Other Errors    Request Help from the directory
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Hubby very much appreciated the time I invested to connect with him in his domain. I highly recommend doing something similar to all the wives going through changes. Connect with your hubby by using his language. If he's a mechanic or construction worker or truck driver, you can be creative in your communication.

Communication

A few days ago, I told Hubby I want to be Taken In Hand. I sent him the following email:

A Helpful Website...

http://www.takeninhand.com/

Articles of interest:
http://www.takeninhand.com/how.cool.is.that
http://www.takeninhand.com/an.overview.of.taken.in.hand
http://www.takeninhand.com/taken.in.hand.in.a.nutshell
http://www.takeninhand.com/faq
http://www.takeninhand.com/the.subjection.of.women (I don't agree with
all of it, but for the most part it's dead on)
http://www.takeninhand.com/advice.for.husbands.beginning.to.take.charge.in.their.marriage
http://www.takeninhand.com/husbands.getting.started.at.taking.charge

Without too much explanation outside of this email, and my excitement brewing, I kind of threw him in the deep end. Not smart. He came home and said that the whole thing sounded like something he doesn't want to take part in (which you can read about here). It was really a no-go for him and a huge disappointment for me. And then I decided to tell him what I wanted. Something not so scary. My email went like this:

Take Me...

Dear Husband,

I am writing to you to explain what Taken In Hand means to me. It seems you were rather upset after reading some of the the information I sent you and I feel the need to clarify. I do not agree with everything in those articles either, but I would like to show you what I do like.

The woman is unlikely to identify with the word “submissive”, and especially at the beginning of the relationship may need to be thoroughly conquered. The man wears the trousers but he puts the relationship and his wife first. His control is active and ongoing rather than passive or a one-off.  - I of course do not thing of myself as submissive, although I do have tendencies. It wasn't until yesterday that I realized that every time I let you have your way, was supportive, and put your needs first, I was being submissive. Who knew? As far as conquering goes, I see it more like this explanation: The force required in the subjection of women is not necessarily physical at all, but psychological: force of will. It might just involve a kindly quiet word here or a little firmness there. It can happen when a man merely looks at a woman, piercing her eyes with his until she is too flustered to hold his gaze. - It could also happen when you wrap your arms around me from behind and hold me, swiftly move my hair and forcefully bite at my neck, take my hand as we walk, lead me in a dance in the middle of the grocery store, face me and tilt my head up and then kiss me passionately...It's all these things and more. So stare me down and melt me. This is what I want. It's what I need.

And as far as taking control, you did it this morning. When you said it was time to get up, I asked why and you said because I need to get up with you. I didn't argue, I just did as you said. I really liked it. I need to follow you, but I can't do so if you won't lead. And really that's what I've been missing. I didn't have it when I was growing up (by no means do I want you to act as my "daddy" eww), I didn't have it in my young adulthood, and I haven't had it in our marriage. I feel empowered by leadership. As I've always claimed, I'm a type B+ kinda girl. But I'm still just a girl.

Do you think this is something we can work on? I really don't expect results overnight. I know it's a process. But to me, this is taken in hand. It's you leading and me following. It's you being strong and me leaning on your strength. It's about me feeling loved because you care enough to guide me. I know it all sounds selfish but I'm hoping you benefit from it as well.

What say you?

All my love,

Your ever adoring wife who really wants to suck on you like a lollipop right now...

His reply????

Thank you.... :)  I think I'm starting to understand.

Your ever loving lollipop

I think that says something about the power of communication. It's a great thing!

Tomorrow, Grandma is taking the kids overnight. We get to have a date night and the house to ourselves. This is a "vacation" night so I decided to write the scene a bit. This is what I emailed Hubby:

Barring any badness (as in the kids getting ill), I would like tomorrow to go like this:

In the AM, make sure to remind me of what's to come later. Grabbing of the hair while whispering to me would be a very nice touch.

Touching of my bottom throughout the day, especially during our date as a gentle reminder is also very nice.

When it comes to spanky-treat time, the phrase "bend over" is highly erotic. If I feel the urge to resist at all, a stern look is all that is required. Over you lap would be nice but considering my current girth, over the bed is okay too. Feel free to get creative.

Please start with your hand as a warmup. It was suggested that if you cup your hand in a relaxed position instead of flat like a paddle it might not hurt you so much. Also, rubbing after a volley of swats sounds nice. While your rubbing, you could finger me and/or rub my clit.

Proceed with the bamboo spatula. I think it will sting like the dickens. Make sure to spend just as much time fingering/rubbing as you do spanking as I may need a breather every once in a while.

Paddle with the hairbrush if I need more spanking.

I want to feel like it's at your whim (even though I'm detailing the scene). My body is yours. Touch me wherever you want. I really mean that. Feel free to tell me what you want done to you. I want to be thoroughly exhausted by the time we're done. I want to scream a lot.

Speaking of screaming, I may say "Ow" or moan or yelp while you're spanking me. It doesn't mean I want you to stop. If you feel uncomfortable, just ask me what the number is (1-10) and I'll tell you. Also we still have the safe word.

What say you?

You know how I have this fantasy about what Hubby will do to me when he finally does spank me for real? Well, this is as good as it's going to get. He won't punish me for real because he feels that's stepping waaaaaay over the line. But we do get to "vacation" a couple times a month if I want and that will have to do. I'm good with it. I'm just grateful he does this much for me. He really does love me!

Roller Coaster

Yeasterday was so full of highs and lows I'm not even sure where to start explaining this roller coaster ride. I suppose I should start at the beginning...

I've been hiding my deep dark spanko secret for 30 years. Hubby and I have been married for almost 10 years. But I've always had a pretty strong sex drive, whereas he has not. I guess you could say we are wired exactly opposite. A week ago when I came out of the spanko closet (or woodshed?), we had fun for about 24 hours. Then he said something to me that floored me and completely shut me down. He said, "I feel like this is all you want me for." Granted, I'm not sure he was talking about spanking or sex, but I couldn't believe it. I was so taken aback that I couldn't even say anything but "I'm sorry" and leave it at that. I cried a lot.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized that his statement really hurt me and I was very angry. I've spent the past 10 years encouraging him emotionally and in every other way he needed, no matter how much I disagreed with it. I would state that I didn't agree but I would support his decision because I love him and I want him to be happy. But he's never done that for me and DAMN IT!!! I need him to support me in my needs and not push me away just because he doesn't want to do what I want/need. After 30 years, this is a DESPERATE need. And after 10 years of sex once or twice a month, it's no longer about what he wants.

So this morning I let him have it. I was angry, and thanks to my amazing therapist, I was not going to shove it down and lock it away again. He didn't have a choice in the matter. He was going to hear me out and he was going to give me what I needed. No ifs, ands, or buts! At this point, I didn't care if it was just vanilla sex. I need him to touch me. I need him to kiss me and hug me and make passionate love to me. My self-worth is tied to his sexual attraction to me whether he likes it or not.

There were a lot of tears from me. Screamed whispers (we were in our office and my assistant could hear me if I actually talked). The "F" word. Anger. Resentment. I let it all out. He said "I'm sorry" again and again. He held me while I bawled. Yeah...I had the ugly cry going on. Sexy... But I said my peace. And he listened. And a while later we went to lunch. We talked about my sexual needs. We agreed that spanking in sex should be more like taking a vacation (as long as I get a "vacation" every couple weeks I'm fine) and not the norm. Then we went home to make mad, passionate love to each other. And it was HOT!

I dropped him back off at the office so he could tie up a few loose ends and get his motorcycle. I picked up the kids and we went shopping. Earlier, just before he and I went to lunch I emailed him some links to Taken In Hand and he read some while at the office. I was making dinner when he got home. I asked him what he thought of TIH and he was very upset. He said at one point he couldn't read any more because it reminded him of how Middle Eastern women are treated. He is so wrong. There is nothing in TIH that even hints at a comparison.

He did say that under no circumstance would he ever raise his hand to me. He would never punish me like a child. And he couldn't see raising our daughter in a house where she would witness such a thing. I never said I wanted to be punished for anything. I only said that there are varying degrees of TIH and I do not aspire to be even close to the Domestic Discipline side. I like spanking as an erotic thrill. Sure, I wrote a very detailed fictional account of what I fantasize about. And you know what that did for me? It gave me a voice. It made me speak up and tell him what I want. Because I am NOT worthless. Maybe it was a way of emotional self-spanking? Who knows. I just know that it's about time I quit pushing aside my feelings and stand up for myself. He's not a mind reader. He can't magically know what I want unless I tell him. So I did.

He doesn't mind taking more of a leadership role in the home but he refuses to take me in hand. I think this may require a lengthy email detailing everything that I believe is right and what I'm looking for. I guess I'm going to have to get to work on it...

Confession Time

Okay, confession time...

I hate the word naughty, but there it is. I've been doing things I shouldn't and I know better. I'm not intending to tell anyone. I haven't and I probably won't confess this to Hubby (unless he's reading this now and in that case the jig is up). I won't confess this to my therapist either. I really don't want a lecture on how my behavior could strain my relationship or that I'm indulging in sin. I know I am. I know I'm being bad. I feel guilty. Honestly, I know...

This is what has happened... I've been doing a lot of research lately on adult spanking, Taken in Hand, Domestic Discipline, and reading other blogs written by women who practice these lifestyles. I've had a lot of questions, and a lot of questions have been answered. But mostly I've seen a lot of pictures, most of which are not appealing to me at all. But some, the ones that show spanking in process (not the beaten and bruised bottom after), have been a real turn on for me. I hate to admit it, but I've been getting quite aroused. Some of the stories I've read have the same effect. And then there has been some videos. Why oh why did I click on the links for those videos? It's like a sudden obsession and I just can't stop myself. How do I know it's wrong? Hubby came home suddenly and I jumped up and shut down the sites I was perusing. I had a sense of guilt.

My other sin is that I have been masturbating. 3 times in the past few days. I haven't done that in 10 years. I had decided a long time ago that pleasuring myself was like cheating on my husband. I want all my orgasms to be his. So taking things into my own hands, so to speak, is very wrong in my eyes. But I felt like I was going to explode and my husband isn't interested in sex 99% of the time.

At least my fantasies have always included him spanking me, usually for some transgression. I can't even begin to imagine what would happen if he were to walk in on me. Somehow I don't think I would get a spanking for it. I think he would just turn around and walk out. I would have to face him when I got my knickers back up and tell him something...anything...I suppose we would talk about it. But I would feel, and really do feel (even thought I haven't been caught), really guilty. My guilt is not enough for me though. I want to be punished so I won't do it anymore.

Maybe I'm misbehaving because I want to be spanked? Maybe I want to feel guilty about something other than my day to day failings. I want to let go of all this stress and worry and have a truly cathartic release because my husband loves me so much he wants me to do better.

The thing is, while spanking is highly erotic for me, the punishment would occur first and be followed by some amazing sex. I would still get the effects of a sound punishment, but it would be all forgiven in tender lovemaking.

All of my transgressions are serious. Will I ever get punished? Doubtful. Masturbation?? Pornography??? What am I doing? Oh how I wish he would take me in hand already.

The Two Most Powerful Words

 (This is just a story. As much as I want this, it hasn't yet happened. I doubt it ever will. C'est la vie)

My husband arranges for the kids to be taken to grandma's overnight. It's been a long time coming. We don't get much time to ourselves. We spend an afternoon lollygagging about; some shopping, a movie, dinner at our favorite restaurant...It's getting late. I imaging when we get home I will fix us a drink and we will watch tv until it's time to go to bed; like we do every night. But we get home and he brings me into our bedroom instead. He has me sit on the bed with him so we can have a "talk". A lump forms in my throat because I know I'm probably in trouble. I've never been in any real trouble, so I'm a bit on edge. He starts lecturing me about how he is disappointed in me; how I have been acting up. He's tired of me treating my body like garbage. He is tired of me being depressed. He's had it with my nonchalant attitude, with my selfishness, and with my lack of motivation. My selfish attitude toward him and the kids is completely unacceptable. He's going to do what he should've done a long time ago. He's going to spank me and hard. I am in disbelief. Did he really just say "spank"?

And then it happens. He stands me up on his right side as he still sits on the bed. He tugs my shorts so that the fall down to my ankles. Then he says the two most powerful words to me I could have ever imagined, "Bend Over" followed by a "Now!" My heart skips and for a moment I forget how to breathe. I take a bit too long to let the words go from my ears to my actions so he gently takes hold of my left wrist and pulls me over his lap. He reiterates his reasons for my punishment while he places his large hand on my bottom, slightly smoothing out my panties.

The first swat lands with a resounding clap, and then another, and another. He tells me he loves me too much to let this go on. Another round of swats. He tells me he's doing this for my good and asks me if I understand. Without warning, 4 more hard spanks and a slightly frustrated "DO. YOU. UNDERSTAND?". "Yes Sir" I whine. "Good. Let's continue," is all he says as he delivers 10 more swats. Then he pulls my panties down to mid-thigh. He inspects my naked bottom for a moment, feeling the rising heat and noting the light pinking taking place. He asks me, "Why are you getting punished?" As I recount the myriad of reasons why I deserve this I feel his hand come down again and again. The sound rings in my ears and the sting forces me to be aware of what I've brought upon myself.

He then picks up the hairbrush and says, "I'm sorry I have to do this but you have left me no other choice. You're self-destructive behavior has got to stop! You have to start putting your family first!" I lose my breath as the sting from the brush lands squarely, alternating sides, time and time again in quick succession. In my head I tell myself repeatedly that I deserve this, because I know I do. I know I deserve every spank and then some.

My bottom is completely warmed, but I know he is far from done. He pulls me up and sets me next to him. My bottom stings as I sit on the soft blanket. "I'm sorry" I whisper. "Are you?" he chides."Are you really? Because I don't think you understand the depths of these issues." With a long, deep, and worried stare into my eyes he tells me how our children need their mother and he needs his wife. My self-deprecation sets a bad example. My willingness to let the laundry, the house, and the attention to our family slide is hurting everyone around me. I come to tears at that last statement. "You WILL put aside your self-pity and you WILL start taking care of yourself and your family!" he says firmly. I openly weep.

He guides me over his lap again. I cry as he spanks me slowly with the brush. I'm lost in a sea of overwhelming emotions. He's right. I know he's right. I'm disappointed with myself. He asks me to repeat after him. "I" *spank* "will" *spank* "put" *spank* "my" *spank* "family" *spank* "first" *spank*. I repeat the line with him. "Again," he said softly. As I say the words on my own, the depth of them reverberate in my heart. "Again." My heart sinks into my stomach as my own words crush me from the realization of how horribly selfish I have been. Sobs emanate from me and cue him to rain down several hard spanks to my reddened bottom. 

He picks me up and holds me as I cry, my tear-stained face twisted in utter contempt of myself at what I have done. "I will not allow you to emotionally belittle yourself over this. Feeling sorry for yourself will not persuade you to take action. It only stunts your growth. You need a clean slate." I nod in agreement. He is right. Very right. He stands up and removes his belt. After piling the pillows in the center of the bed, he helps me lay across them with my naked bottom up in the air, exposed. I know this will be the most painful part of my lesson. I think I'm ready for it, but then he starts to speak to me again.

"Why do you dislike yourself so much?" he asks. "Because I'm fat and ugly and a worthless piece of crap." I respond. "You" *spank* "Are" *spank* "Beautiful" *spank*. The belt punctuates his words. "Let me say it again. You" *spank* "Are" *spank* "Beautiful" *spank*. I sob openly again. *spank* *spank* *spank* "I love you and you need to know this." he says softly. "You" *spank* "Are" *spank* "Loved" *spank*. I am overwhelmed. *spank* *spank* *spank* "We need you. You can't keep doing this to yourself." He pauses momentarily. "You" *spank* "Are" *spank* "Wanted"*spank*. I can no longer hold it back. I'm lost in a sea of indescribable emotions all forcefully trying to escape at once.The belt comes down 6 more times rapidly. I hear him drop the belt and pick up the brush once more. He kneels next to me on the bed and places his left hand on the small of my back.

"I want to hear you say what is going to change. I want to hear the lessons you've learned tonight." he quietly demands. "You love me," I choke out. "Yes!" *spank*. "I am beautiful," I cry. "Yes!" *spank*. "I can do a better job at being a wife and mother," more sobs. "Yes!" *spank* *spank*. "What else?" he asks gently. What else have you learned?" he asks with the brush at the ready. I racked my brain. What was it that was at the crux of all of this emotion? What was it that had me all bound up? Why was I so self-destructive? I didn't want to say it. My dark reason for all of this was at the tip of my tongue but I couldn't let it out. How could I keep hating myself if I spoke against the lie? *spank* *spank* *spank* *spank* *spank* *spank* He catches me off guard. "Don't think about it. Say what it is. What else have you learned? What is the main lesson of all this? What are you holding back?" *spank* *spank* *spank*

"I...I..a-am NOT worthless," I say almost breathlessly through gritted teeth as I shake my head. *spank* *spank* *spank* *spank* "That's right. You" *spank* "Are" *spank* "Not" *spank* "Worthless" *spank*. I convulse with sobbing as the realization of what I had been doing strikes me. He keeps spanking me as I let it all out. When I quiet down, he lays the brush aside and rubs my back gently. He helps me up and holds me tight as my breathing normalizes. He kisses me on the forehead. I look up at him, eyes puffy, face red, and he says he finds me beautiful and loves me so much. He kisses my lips and my mouth parts as the kiss deepens. I am swept off my feet. Making love has never been so intense, so gratifying, so defining. I am his. I am beautiful. I will be a good wife and mother. I am not worthless...

Take me in Hand

In my research about who I am and what I want, I came across Taken In Hand, a website about relationships somewhere between equality and domestic discipline.

From Taken in Hand:

A Taken In Hand relationship is a wholehearted sexually exclusive marriage in which, to the delight of both spouses, the man actively controls the woman. The degree of control and the way the husband retains control vary from Taken In Hand couple to Taken In Hand couple, but in all cases both husband and wife actively want the husband to be in charge. No matter how strong, tough and forceful a Taken In Hand wife may be, and no matter how hard she might try to take control in their marriage, she would be aghast if her husband were to let her get the upper hand. Likewise, no matter how loving, kind and considerate the husband may be, he prefers to keep his wife firmly in hand.
The woman is unlikely to identify with the word “submissive”, and especially at the beginning of the relationship may need to be thoroughly conquered. The man wears the trousers but he puts the relationship and his wife first. His control is active and ongoing rather than passive or a one-off.

When it came to the word "conquered" I was almost put off, yet thoroughly intrigued. What does it mean to be "conquered"?

From Taken in Hand: (with highlights from me on the parts that I find attractive)
 

The subjection of women

Subjection: (noun) 1. The act of exercising lordship or control; dominion, domination, control. 2. Submission; obedience. 3. Subordination. 4. Subjugation. etc. (Source: an ancient OED)
Subjection: 1. forced submission to control by others. 2. the act of conquering; conquest. (Source: princeton.edu)
Conquest: (noun) 1. the act of conquering. 2. mastery of something difficult. 3. the act of winning the love or sexual favour of someone.
The subjection of women raises the ire not just of a few feminists but of all decent people. Women who want to be brought into subjection—and there are many such women—have a lot of explaining to do. Men who countenance subjection—are there any? Given the risk of being thought to be an abusive predator, is it any wonder that the idea of subjection—even if the woman wants that—is repugnant to most men?
Subjection is not for sissies. It is difficult. It is dangerous. It isn't the done thing. It sounds non-consensual.
Like rape.
Actively exercising control; dominating. Forced submission to control by others. Forced.
It is easy to get so tangled up in the words that we lose perspective. We forget that conquering the woman and bringing her into subjection wins her heart. We lose sight of the fact that after forced comes submission. We get hung-up on the form at the expense of the substance.
“Bring a woman into subjection? No! I must have consent, or I will not control. I abhor violence! I am a firm believer in fully equal rights for women.”
“What I want is a submissive woman who will willingly surrender, not a shrew who needs to be tamed.”
“Forced submission? If submission is not freely given, I don't want it!”
If a woman wants to be brought into subjection, ipso facto, she is fully consenting.
If a woman wants to be brought into subjection, that is not like The Subjection Of Women. It deprives no one of any rights.
If a woman wants to be brought into subjection, it is not like The Taming of the Shrew. She gives her submission just as freely and willingly as the one who surrenders.
The form may be non-consensual, but the substance is fully consensual.
“But why does she want this? If she wants her man to lead, why doesn't she just follow him?”

Some women want and need to be brought into subjection. They crave the man's control and respond positively to active control, but without active control on his part submission is impossible. These women cannot fake submission; it must be real. It cannot be a pretence, a role-playing game or a lifeless cardboard cut-out imitation. It must be from the heart and soul, no hint of artificiality, acting or mendacity. But when a man brings such a woman into subjection and thereby releases her delitescent submissiveness, the power and reality and unforced naturalness of her submission can be awe-inspiring.

Do not be misled by a woman's need for subjection: it does not mean that she is dominant but in denial. It is often the most resistant women who are the most deeply submissive.

Such a woman might feel the need to be controlled whether she likes it or not—constrained by an unstoppable force; restrained; bound, reined in; no choice; no decisions, hers; under his authority, his lordship, his control—not because of incompetence, emotional lability or any lack of desire to take responsibility for her own actions, and not because she needs a man to make decisions for her, but just because that is the way it has to be. Because it feels right and proper. Because primal forces compel it. Because she wants it and he relishes it. Because to worship his power and strength, she must feel his power and strength even when her own is undiminished. Her full self in all its strength, overpowered, conquered, in subjection. Resisting, and finding that resistance is futile, she can finally relax. She needs that safety. She needs to be sure that he won't crumble under her strength. She needs not to be in control, not to have a choice, not to place limits on the man's power. No lists of rules for the man to follow, no shoulds, no ifs and buts, no no's. In subjection. Letting go completely. Peace. Floating on air. Effortless flying. Paradoxes. Out of body and totally relaxed, yet so present and excited that the intensity is indescribable. Power in powerlessness. Freedom in chains. Deep autonomy in bondage. The self strengthened in subjection. She stoops to conquer. Force wins her love. Deep serenity. Surrender. Peace.

Men who have brought a woman to that state—that melted, peaceful, dreamy state, that state of grace—have spoken of it with awe in their voices and echoes of ecstasy in their eyes. They have talked about the delectability of it, the life-changing power of it, the intense eroticism of it. They do not sound like burdened, resentful men who have grudgingly beaten a woman into subjection.
Nor should it be assumed that the force required to bring a woman into subjection is necessarily violent. It might be, or it might not be. It might involve physically restraining a woman, or physically forcing her to obey, or it might not. The force required in the subjection of women is not necessarily physical at all, but psychological: force of will. It might just involve a kindly quiet word here or a little firmness there. It can happen when a man merely looks at a woman, piercing her eyes with his until she is too flustered to hold his gaze.
The force only works to the extent that it reaches the woman's heart and mind. It only works if she wants it.
“Be that as it may, why would a man have any interest in fighting a woman for control?”
Whether physical or purely psychological, the subjection of a willing woman is not fighting. Fighting is sniping spouses lashing out at each other. Fighting is wounding words that can never be unsaid. Fighting is cruelty and spite, pain and distress.
If a woman wants to be brought into subjection, it is not like that. It is nothing like that.
“But still, the question remains, why bother?”
For fun. For the adventure. For the higher purpose of creating the conditions under which the two of you can scale the highest, most challenging mountain of life together, working together and supporting one another all the way.
Because not every woman is happy to pretend to be something she is not. Because not everyone feels right when she fakes submission.
Because not every woman can be submissive in the absence of subjection.
Because if the two of you behave in ways natural for each of you instead of trying to act out stereotypical roles, the relationship that evolves between you will be richer, deeper, and more genuinely suited to the two of you as the unique individuals you are.
Because if you can bring a woman into subjection without needing her to diminish herself to make it possible for you, you will have fully mastered her, and you will both know that, and it will inform all her actions in the future.

Because when such a woman is brought into subjection, she bonds so strongly and completely that there is nothing she wouldn't do for you.

Because that is what it may take to make her totally yours.

“Sounds like a lot of work to me. Why would any man want a woman who is so difficult?”
Why, indeed?
Most don't, of course. Most prefer the path (or indeed woman) of least resistance. Most prefer “easy”. And that's fine—for them.
But some of us—men and women alike—do not stick to the easy path through life. Some of us prefer “difficult”—because worthwhile endeavours are usually difficult, and that which is easy often turns out to be less valuable in the end. Sauntering along a well-travelled path doesn't take us where we want go. We want to scale the highest mountain.
And if you want to scale the highest mountain, you have to be sure that the person you are climbing with is up to the climb. It would be no good trying to drag someone weak or unwilling up the mountain.
Some men with “mountain-climbing” aspirations have no time for the idea of subjection. They are impatient to begin the exciting adventure, and understandably just want to get on with it, not have their ascent impeded by a resistant woman. To them, a woman who needs to be brought into subjection is a woman who is pulling in the opposite direction before they have even started the climb.
But, gentlemen, what that woman is doing is not impeding the climb but sensibly checking all the ropes and other climbing equipment, double-checking that they are both strong enough for the climb, and querying any potential problems she has identified so that they will be as well-prepared as possible when the climb gets tough. The better prepared they are for the climb ahead, the better the actual climb will be. If a man is too impatient, lacking in insight about what their intended endeavour entails, or unrealistic or blasé about the dangers, is it a good idea for the woman to put her life in his hands?
Some men do understand a woman's need to make these pre-climb checks, and (with a willing woman) enjoy the challenge and find it amusing that a woman might question or try to test their strength. They do not find it insulting or threatening, they find it a fun aspect of conquering a woman. It would never occur to these men to complain or ask a woman to be more submissive or obedient: they simply take action and handle the woman. They relish the contest of wills that brings the woman into subjection, just as those passionate about sword fighting relish their next fight. It's all part of the adventure!
These men inspire worship. Reverence. Deep gratitude. An overwhelming desire to kneel, to please, to obey. Passion. Peace.
In subjection. Mastered. Conquered. His.

There, in a nutshell, is what I long for. I am a strong, capable woman and will always be so. No amount of submission on my part with diminish that. But I want Hubby to take me in hand, conquer me... For me, this is romance. This is sweeping me off my feet.

A girl can dream, right?

Finally, I leave you with this link to an overview of Taken in Hand. There is so much to the Taken in Hand website; articles, stories, information, and a forum. I foresee myself spending many, many hours there!

Frustrated

I know that some day, probably sooner rather than later, I'm going to share my new blog with my husband (and maybe even my therapist). I will not, however, let this eventuality keep me from unburdening my heart. Maybe this is the only way to make things seem less frustrating. Maybe this way I can let it go...

Ever since sharing my "dirty little secret" with my Hubby, I have been a sexual animal. I know I can't get spanked every night. I know that I'm being somewhat unrealistic about everything. But the truth is, I don't want to go back to the way things were. Having vanilla sex once or twice (if I was lucky) a month was not helping with my feelings of self-worth.

Today I pulled him into the bedroom while the kids were distracted with something on tv. I made my intentions clear (vanilla sex) and he turned me down. My heart hurt and I wanted to cry. Later on we talked about why I was being so grumpy. He told me that he feels that when he and I have time together all I want is sex. Maybe it's true, right now. It's not true of our 10 years together. And I've let him have his way most of our relationship. I let him turn me down time and time and freaking time again. Yes, I'm angry. But really do you blame me?

He is much to complacent about the fact that he has no sex drive. Never mind that it's completely un-guy like. Do you know any men that don't think about sex ever? And here I am, 41 years old with the sex drive of what?...umm...I dunno...a guy? Isn't it supposed to be the other way around? I'm just so tired of being neglected. I'm so tired of being turned down. I'm not asking for anything more than plain 'ol vanilla sex. Just act like you still find me attractive. Quit being so fucking defensive every time I bring up the fact that I don't think you want me anymore.

Sorry everyone. I'm letting off some steam. I love my husband dearly. He's really the nicest guy you'd ever meet. There are just certain things I have a harder time dealing with at times. This is just one of those times.

I'm sulking in my room as I write all this. Telling him how I feel won't help matters at all. He'll just tell me he's sorry I feel the way I do and that he wishes it wasn't so and we would go on through the rest of the night not having sex. I wish I knew why he doesn't want me. He says he does, but his actions don't show it. He'd rather be on his laptop engrossed in something entirely too geeky than to attend to his wife's needs.

I'm trying so hard not to be a "B". I'm trying to see it from his standpoint and yet all I can see is that he doesn't want me in that way. So not only have I been repressing my kinky spanko side for 30 years, but I'm married to a man that doesn't even want to have sex with me.

I don't know what to do other than cry. Really, I always hoped that he'd make me cry through a wonderfully intense spanking, not by hurting my feelings. I suppose my therapist would be happy that I'm at least letting it out. I'm not sure how she'd feel about my desire to be spanked until I cry. I haven't even told hubby about that. That will be an interesting conversation if we ever have it.

Until then, I will just have to live vicariously (and jealously) through everyone I meet in the spanko world.

The Beginning

I just revealed myself to my husband of almost 10 years that I am indeed a spanking fetishist. I didn't know until recently that that was the official title. I've been this way as long as I can remember. I've been seeing a therapist for a variety of reasons and when the topic of sex came up she assured me that my needs were valid and normal. The popularity of the 50 Shades series didn't hurt either when it came to my decision to out myself. Since my confession on Tuesday, I have been doing an enormous amount of research. Finding out who I am and what I like has been extremely freeing but explaining it to my VERY vanilla husband has been difficult at best. He has been vey patient and willing to participate to the best of his ability. He's not very dominant and he hates the idea of causing me pain. He finds the whole thing strange but he loves me so he's willing to give it a go just to make me happy. While spanking is new and exciting in our sexual relationship, I'm finding that I suddenly need more. The idea of stress release spanking appeals to me very much but I don't think my husband would never agree to it. As it is, he's only just tolerant of spanking in the guise of sexual pleasure. We've only been at this for 2 nights. The first night he used his hand and not for very long because it hurt him. I bought a paddle hair brush yesterday for use last night. Since we are spanking by candlelight, he could see the red glow of my cheeks and was a bit worried. Well this morning I have bruises. I have to hide them because I am sure he wouldn't agree to ever spank me again. BTW, how long does it take for bruising to fade? The spanking wasn't near long or hard enough. And I need more. So much more. I'm not sure how to get him to cooperate. And I don't want to be frustrated anymore. What should I do? Also, I'm very excited about this whole thing and I don't have anyone I can talk to. I feel like a desperately excited puppy. Ack!