Sunday, July 8, 2012

The Two Most Powerful Words

 (This is just a story. As much as I want this, it hasn't yet happened. I doubt it ever will. C'est la vie)

My husband arranges for the kids to be taken to grandma's overnight. It's been a long time coming. We don't get much time to ourselves. We spend an afternoon lollygagging about; some shopping, a movie, dinner at our favorite restaurant...It's getting late. I imaging when we get home I will fix us a drink and we will watch tv until it's time to go to bed; like we do every night. But we get home and he brings me into our bedroom instead. He has me sit on the bed with him so we can have a "talk". A lump forms in my throat because I know I'm probably in trouble. I've never been in any real trouble, so I'm a bit on edge. He starts lecturing me about how he is disappointed in me; how I have been acting up. He's tired of me treating my body like garbage. He is tired of me being depressed. He's had it with my nonchalant attitude, with my selfishness, and with my lack of motivation. My selfish attitude toward him and the kids is completely unacceptable. He's going to do what he should've done a long time ago. He's going to spank me and hard. I am in disbelief. Did he really just say "spank"?

And then it happens. He stands me up on his right side as he still sits on the bed. He tugs my shorts so that the fall down to my ankles. Then he says the two most powerful words to me I could have ever imagined, "Bend Over" followed by a "Now!" My heart skips and for a moment I forget how to breathe. I take a bit too long to let the words go from my ears to my actions so he gently takes hold of my left wrist and pulls me over his lap. He reiterates his reasons for my punishment while he places his large hand on my bottom, slightly smoothing out my panties.

The first swat lands with a resounding clap, and then another, and another. He tells me he loves me too much to let this go on. Another round of swats. He tells me he's doing this for my good and asks me if I understand. Without warning, 4 more hard spanks and a slightly frustrated "DO. YOU. UNDERSTAND?". "Yes Sir" I whine. "Good. Let's continue," is all he says as he delivers 10 more swats. Then he pulls my panties down to mid-thigh. He inspects my naked bottom for a moment, feeling the rising heat and noting the light pinking taking place. He asks me, "Why are you getting punished?" As I recount the myriad of reasons why I deserve this I feel his hand come down again and again. The sound rings in my ears and the sting forces me to be aware of what I've brought upon myself.

He then picks up the hairbrush and says, "I'm sorry I have to do this but you have left me no other choice. You're self-destructive behavior has got to stop! You have to start putting your family first!" I lose my breath as the sting from the brush lands squarely, alternating sides, time and time again in quick succession. In my head I tell myself repeatedly that I deserve this, because I know I do. I know I deserve every spank and then some.

My bottom is completely warmed, but I know he is far from done. He pulls me up and sets me next to him. My bottom stings as I sit on the soft blanket. "I'm sorry" I whisper. "Are you?" he chides."Are you really? Because I don't think you understand the depths of these issues." With a long, deep, and worried stare into my eyes he tells me how our children need their mother and he needs his wife. My self-deprecation sets a bad example. My willingness to let the laundry, the house, and the attention to our family slide is hurting everyone around me. I come to tears at that last statement. "You WILL put aside your self-pity and you WILL start taking care of yourself and your family!" he says firmly. I openly weep.

He guides me over his lap again. I cry as he spanks me slowly with the brush. I'm lost in a sea of overwhelming emotions. He's right. I know he's right. I'm disappointed with myself. He asks me to repeat after him. "I" *spank* "will" *spank* "put" *spank* "my" *spank* "family" *spank* "first" *spank*. I repeat the line with him. "Again," he said softly. As I say the words on my own, the depth of them reverberate in my heart. "Again." My heart sinks into my stomach as my own words crush me from the realization of how horribly selfish I have been. Sobs emanate from me and cue him to rain down several hard spanks to my reddened bottom. 

He picks me up and holds me as I cry, my tear-stained face twisted in utter contempt of myself at what I have done. "I will not allow you to emotionally belittle yourself over this. Feeling sorry for yourself will not persuade you to take action. It only stunts your growth. You need a clean slate." I nod in agreement. He is right. Very right. He stands up and removes his belt. After piling the pillows in the center of the bed, he helps me lay across them with my naked bottom up in the air, exposed. I know this will be the most painful part of my lesson. I think I'm ready for it, but then he starts to speak to me again.

"Why do you dislike yourself so much?" he asks. "Because I'm fat and ugly and a worthless piece of crap." I respond. "You" *spank* "Are" *spank* "Beautiful" *spank*. The belt punctuates his words. "Let me say it again. You" *spank* "Are" *spank* "Beautiful" *spank*. I sob openly again. *spank* *spank* *spank* "I love you and you need to know this." he says softly. "You" *spank* "Are" *spank* "Loved" *spank*. I am overwhelmed. *spank* *spank* *spank* "We need you. You can't keep doing this to yourself." He pauses momentarily. "You" *spank* "Are" *spank* "Wanted"*spank*. I can no longer hold it back. I'm lost in a sea of indescribable emotions all forcefully trying to escape at once.The belt comes down 6 more times rapidly. I hear him drop the belt and pick up the brush once more. He kneels next to me on the bed and places his left hand on the small of my back.

"I want to hear you say what is going to change. I want to hear the lessons you've learned tonight." he quietly demands. "You love me," I choke out. "Yes!" *spank*. "I am beautiful," I cry. "Yes!" *spank*. "I can do a better job at being a wife and mother," more sobs. "Yes!" *spank* *spank*. "What else?" he asks gently. What else have you learned?" he asks with the brush at the ready. I racked my brain. What was it that was at the crux of all of this emotion? What was it that had me all bound up? Why was I so self-destructive? I didn't want to say it. My dark reason for all of this was at the tip of my tongue but I couldn't let it out. How could I keep hating myself if I spoke against the lie? *spank* *spank* *spank* *spank* *spank* *spank* He catches me off guard. "Don't think about it. Say what it is. What else have you learned? What is the main lesson of all this? What are you holding back?" *spank* *spank* *spank*

"I...I..a-am NOT worthless," I say almost breathlessly through gritted teeth as I shake my head. *spank* *spank* *spank* *spank* "That's right. You" *spank* "Are" *spank* "Not" *spank* "Worthless" *spank*. I convulse with sobbing as the realization of what I had been doing strikes me. He keeps spanking me as I let it all out. When I quiet down, he lays the brush aside and rubs my back gently. He helps me up and holds me tight as my breathing normalizes. He kisses me on the forehead. I look up at him, eyes puffy, face red, and he says he finds me beautiful and loves me so much. He kisses my lips and my mouth parts as the kiss deepens. I am swept off my feet. Making love has never been so intense, so gratifying, so defining. I am his. I am beautiful. I will be a good wife and mother. I am not worthless...

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