A Little Geek Speak Goes a Long Way

Thursday was a complete bust. The Boy was sick and had a temperature of 102.3. :(  The Grandma decided she would rather have the kiddos Friday night. Turns out the Boy was sick again, but she said she would take him anyway, just not overnight. Since I had extra time, I was able to write a special manual just for my super geeky Hubby. Here's the manual I wrote:
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WIFE 1.41

Welcome to Wonderful and Intelligent Female Extraordinaire or WIFE 1.41 Operating System manual. As you may have noticed, the hardware interface has remained the same, but the new software update to 1.41 from its former 1.30 version has dramatically changed how the operating system performs. Please read this manual thoroughly to avoid conflicts with the updated operating system.

The 1.41 OS upgrade has many changes from prior performance. Updates to this will manual happen regularly as new features are discovered.


CHAPTER 1


Base Functionality

Interfacing of WIFE 1.30 with the Therapist 5.0 application caused your WIFE unit to require an operating system upgrade to 1.41.  Therapist 5.0, while generally effective for defragmenting the WIFE unit’s main hard drive, resulted in several conflicts with the hard-wired memory.

Though base functionality of your WIFE unit remains intact, known changes have been noted in the following chapters of the this manual. Please be advised that Therapist 5.0 will continue running the defragmentation application in the background. This may or may not cause errors during programming.


CHAPTER 2


Best Practices

Your WIFE unit should always be kept clean. Never immerse in water for long periods or expose to electrical shock. Keep away from fire and combustibles. Not dishwasher safe. Lay flat to dry. In the event your WIFE unit displays errors, please see the troubleshooting guide.


Important Notes

As previously stated, your WIFE unit’s base functionality has not changed. All hardware, including access ports remain intact. However, the port designation for the RCTM (Regional Colon Terminal Mount) has been altered to accept a sheathed digit or miniplug. Please be advised that once the RCTM port has been securely outfitted, the device(s) cannot be used in the VGNA (Vulval G-spot Natural Access) port.


Accessories included with your Wife update:

SPANK (Sore Posterior Arouses Naughty Kink) tools: Paddle and bamboo spatula
RCTM devices: Digit sheaths and miniplug
VGNA device: Manual port stimulator
Alternate light sources: Candles


Other accessories available upon request. Please call 1-800-ShoeBox.


CHAPTER 3


Your WIFE unit: What’s different?


New Language

Your WIFE unit is easily programmed now using the E+ (Emotions Plus) language. E+ is derived from the congruence of WIFE 1.30 and Therapist 5.0. Because such blending between units has occurred, it is impossible for the effects to be weeded out, nor is it advised to try such a maneuver. Learning the E+ language will help you avoid common mistakes. Tags like <Heartfelt Apology>, <Yes Dear>, and <Let Me Help You With That> are used often in programming your WIFE unit. Also, please be aware that if your WIFE unit shows signs of Monitor leakage, you must quickly run the EmoOvrLd algorithm; <if WIFE=”Cry” then Hold+Comfort+Assure>. Avoid stack overflow by keeping E+queries to a minimum.


Vacation Time

You will need to run the Vacation application bimonthly with the SEX (Software EXchange) module to achieve optimum success. While the vacation application need not run continuously, it is encouraged that you run it whenever you see fit, with or without the SEX module. Alternately, the SEX module can run independently of the Vacation application by running VNLA (Variable Natural Linking Application).

The Vacation application requires SPANK tools. RCTM and VGNA devices may be used with or without the Vacation application. All tools and devices are located in the ShoeBox storage compartment. Your WIFE unit is fully programmed with all sanitation protocols.


DATE Night

You should run the DATE (Direct Attention & Time Exercise) application weekly for best response from your WIFE unit. DATEs can include but are not limited to;

Presentation of action on continuous film

Moving unit rhythmically in a pattern of steps

Consumption of nutriments

Other creative acts your WIFE unit will accept without error


CHAPTER 4


Tips for Optimum Performance

Tenderness. Kisses, hugging, cuddling, and other forms of affection are not only acceptable, but may be required.

Do Not to attempt programing while your WIFE unit is in sleep mode.

Your WIFE unit needs regular maintenance including cleaning, dust & hair removal, which is acceptable and is encouraged.

While there are times your WIFE unit may display errors, it is integral to the proper function of said unit that you fully program reminders into the task list application.

When reviewing programming subjects that may be too embarrassing for the WIFE unit or yourself to communicate via direct interface, other indirect methods of communication such as email or text are acceptable.

SPANK tools will be required by your WIFE unit while Vacation application is in use and at other times you deem necessary. Please see chapter 3 under Vacation Time for more information.

Warning! WIFE unit may not be capable of processing all requested actions. Please run the Patience application at this time to avoid any fatal errors.


Troubleshooting

When troubleshooting your WIFE unit, please run common tags listed in chapter 3 under New Language before attempting a reboot.

Problem    Solution
WIFE unit returns “Null” or “Not Implemented Exception”    Use <I Love You> tag and let WIFE unit have 15 minutes to return query
WIFE unit returns Stress errors    Run DATE application and/or use SPANK tools
Other Errors    Request Help from the directory
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Hubby very much appreciated the time I invested to connect with him in his domain. I highly recommend doing something similar to all the wives going through changes. Connect with your hubby by using his language. If he's a mechanic or construction worker or truck driver, you can be creative in your communication.