Friday, March 22, 2013

Love and Idiot Lights

I've been working on several posts in my head, none of which would make a whole post; more like a blurb. I finally have a little something though.

Thanks to Dana (again), I decided to go take my Love Language test. Obviously, if you couldn't tell by the ((hugs)) I leave everyone, I am a physical touch person. What I found interesting is how Hubby was so different (yes, I made him take the test too). Mine looks like this (from most important to least):
Physical Touch
Quality Time
Words of Affirmation
Receiving Gifts
Acts of Service

Quality Time and Words of Affirmation tied for 2nd.

Hubby's profile looked more like this:

Acts of Service
Quality Time
Receiving Gifts
Physical Touch
Words of Affirmation
Quality Time and Receiving Gifts tied for 2nd, but he said that receiving gifts was the lesser of 2 evils. When asked "Would you rather your wife tell you how wonderful you are or surprise you with a little gift?" he would choose gift because he feels no need for words of affirmation.

It's so important for us to know each other's love language so we can see how to love each other best. I have kind of always known that he was and Acts of Service guy, but I didn't know that that's how he feels loved. Looking around at the house, you could plainly see that I have not been loving him in the way that he needs.

We have a tendency, as people, to love others in the way we feel love, not in the way that they need it. No wonder so many people feel so unloved. If we understood each other better, then maybe there would be less divorce, breakups, and heartache in this world. I urge you all to go take the love languages test; you and your significant other. It's free and only takes a few minutes. After the test, you will receive and email with your results and it also has suggestions on how you can show love to your SO according to their love language.

I have not been doing well loving Hubby how he feels loved best, and really I never have. This morning was a prime example. Every morning I am to get up and get the kids ready to go to school so that when he is done showering and getting dressed, they can all walk out the door. I made sure they got dressed for the most part and then I went back to bed. Once he was done, he had a lot of stuff to do to finish getting the kids ready, like finding backpacks and making snacks. He was pretty upset, made a few comments, and generally was in a mood that looked more like I was in for it.

Of course I wasn't. I should've been. I rightly deserved to be. I was half expecting him to come home, demand I get out of bed, and bend over the end of it. I expected him to grab the leather paddle, pull down my panties, and let loose on my behind all the while lecturing me on how I know he needs my help in the morning and how it's my responsibility to help him. He didn't. Instead, he came home in a good mood talking about how he let his best friend borrow his motorcycle for the day. I, of course, feel guilty for not doing what I should've. And what is the best way to assuage that guilt but to bare myself for punishment.

I've been doing a lot of reading and realized that that is what punishment is for. I was so confused about it before. Why do I feel the need to get spanked? It's how I could get rid of the guilt that plagues me, and according to my therapist, guilt is and always will be my biggest struggle. Receiving a spanking also how I show my submission. When Hubby and I are intimate, I will often lay on my tummy so he can have his way with me. He loves to watch me wriggle while he paddles away. (I know...TMI...sorry) So while he may want to punish by making me do chores or taking away privileges, he misses the point of the punishment. My guilt does not go away by doing chores of loosing my phone. My guilt goes away when I feel like I can cry it out. Does this make sense?

Finally, I want to leave you with something on a lighter note. Yesterday morning I was driving around when I noticed this idiot light staring at me. I had never seen anything like it before, but being of the same mindset, I am sure you can see what I was thinking.



I know now that is a low tire pressure indicator light. But what does it look like to you?

Have a good weekend! (((hugs)))

7 comments:

  1. LOL, exactly what it looks like to you! And the exclamation point somehow adds to the humor of it :-P

    I'm like you, I need that purge. Once, Ward said that he understood and wasn't going to give a correction, but I said maybe I felt like I needed it. He was offended a bit at first I think, he said - is not my grace enough? And it was from him, but I had not given myself.

    He understands now that I do need that to assuage my own guilt and feel like we have a truly clean slate all the way around.

    (((hugs)))

    And if I haven't said it before - welcome back!

    ReplyDelete
  2. LM, send him this post, and then ask if the two of you can talk about it. Explain why you expected you might have been paddled, felt that you deserved to be. Ask him about his thoughts and feelings. You can tell him your feelings without directing him on what to do, right?

    Sara

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hi LM,
    This was so interesting. I agree with June and Sara above, it isn't controlling to tell him respectfully how you feel. :)

    And I did my love language I am:
    Physical Touch
    Quality Time
    Words of Affirmation
    Acts of Service
    Receiving Gifts

    It would be interesting to know how many TiH women have Physical Touch as their primary love language. Maybe when we screw up we need physical touch, even if it is spanking to make us feel redeemed and loved.

    hugs
    lillie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. lillie-belle, mine was:
      11 - Physical Touch
      8 - Quality Time
      6 - Words of Affirmation
      5 - Acts of Service
      0 - Receiving Gifts

      This is the second time I did it, and the result was the same as about a year ago. I don't like the way some of the questions are phrased, mostly because it rather assumes that the guys don't do it, even though ours do! So I put it in the frame of: of these two things, which is most important to me, and which could I do without.

      Delete
    2. I know, Junie :)
      Some of the questions make assumptions and I think it would be a better indicator without those. Very interesting though - how important physical touch is to some of us here....not that it means anything necessarily - just interesting. :D

      Delete
  4. Hi LM, great post, I will do the love language test, I didn't actually know about it so thank you. It is important to understand how your significant other feels loved. I think I would be physical touch and words of affirmation.

    I understand the need to purge the guilt. Sometimes it's not so easy to forgive ourselves, even if we have our husband's forgiveness.

    Hugs,
    Roz

    ReplyDelete
  5. This really fascinates me... 'cause as long as I can remember it's been physical touch... but with my husband physical touch got a 1...and we have known this for awhile. I love touching him, but i hate BEING touched by him... weird...

    Your Scores
    10Acts of Service
    8Words of Affirmation
    7Quality Time
    4Receiving Gifts
    1Physical Touch

    ReplyDelete