Saturday, March 16, 2013

Patience and Falling

Yesterday was amazing. My birthday was wonderful with a couple exceptions, one of them being an issue with my business that adds a little too much drama to my otherwise peaceful day, but no matter. But the other issue was that Hubby is once again reading my blog and has requested that I talk to him before blogging about stuff. Yes, he is absolutely right. I, once again, am being impatient and wrapped up trying to control everything again. Hubby, even though I paint him to be completely perfect in every way (because he is), would like to be "perfect-er-ish-ness-ituity" (great wordsmith my man is!). And when I say things that may make him look less than what he is, I take away the chance for him to make things right. Also, I need to be fair to him. He's had to put up with ├╝ber-B for several months now and I need to let him readjust to the old me. For me, it just feels like we should pick up where we left off, but he needs time to reacquaint himself. I need to be patient. That's not something I'm very good at. Any advice on that one?

I've also realized that I get giddy now every time I touch Hubby's hand. I feel like "we" are new all over again. I look at him with wonder and awe. I am falling in love again and again and again. He excites me. I just want to do anything and everything to please him. After reading Dana's post, I was reminded of exactly why I loved this ttwd life we had. I so hope we get to get back to it soon. Hubby was showing signs yesterday of trying his HoH hat back on. It was very nice...comforting. What do you love about ttyd?

Also, I must say another apology for my disappearing act; this one to someone dear to my heart, Lillie. I feel as though I failed you as a friend and I am so very sorry. I didn't mean to leave you like that. I know I hurt you and I am beyond words to describe deep sorrow I feel for it. Just know that whenever you are ready to let me back in, I will not fail you. I promise you that. (((hugs)))

And (((hugs))) to everyone else.

7 comments:

  1. I am so happy you are back!!! *****HUUUUUGS******

    I had stopped checking because I "gave up", but I am SO glad you are back!! :D

    Please don't bury yourself in guilt... hormones are super powerful and it sounds like you have the crazies... **hug** I mean, I am not one of the people who you hurt, but as an outsider I can still say "let go"... move on and strive to "be better" with the "new you" you have now! :)

    **HUG** So glad you're back. :)

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    1. Hormones are evil aren't they? ((hugs))

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  2. Hey LM, I'm glad to hear you had a wonderful birthday and so glad to hear it seems you and your hubby are making steps back to each other and back to ttwd. It's great that you talked and that he is again reading the blog. I think you have both been through a lot over the last few months and probably both need to readjust.

    What do I love about ttwd? It has to be the increased closeness, connection and intimacy we now have. Also feeling loved, protected and cared for.

    Hugs,
    Roz

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    1. Those are the things I love about ttwd too. Being cherished is amazing! ((hugs))

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  3. LM,
    Honey, I understand. I really do.
    And you didn't hurt me. You really have nothing to apologize for.
    I am sorry if I reacted in a bad way when you contacted me. I guess I had a little emotion inside from the worry I had when you went quiet. That's okay. I put that worry and blame on myself, not you, and I should have had my arms wide open when you appeared.
    I am slow. Anyone who knows me in real life can tell you the same, I fall in love with everyone and everything in a moment, but I accept change very slowly. It is actually a bit of a problem.
    When you left and I reached out to you a few times, I felt like I hurt you and I was so sorry for everything I might have said or done.
    Accepting how much people in this community have come to mean to me has been difficult to cope with at times. How can you be so close to people that you have never met, but that your heart aches at the thought that you may have caused them pain? That has been hard for me to process.
    Honey, I understand. I am sorry I have been holding back a little. I am just being the emotional turtle that I am times.....
    You haven't failed anyone, and never could. I have been through my own nightmare with hormones and peri menopause - no living female can deny the power they have in our lives.
    I am right here, and happy to call myself your friend. :)
    hugs and love
    lillie

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    1. Lillie,

      I love you. You are the sister I never had. You are absolutely amazing. I am constantly in awe of your beautiful heart.
      I appreciate your willingness to give me another try and I will do my best to be patient with the process.
      ((((((((HUGS))))))))

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    2. I only have love for you too, sweetie :)
      big big hugs
      lillie

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