Yesterday was a pretty bad day. It started out okay from what I remember I was pretty excited because we just had a business meeting, and while I was still unsure of where I was going with it, I still got some really good advice.
Since the lunch meeting was concluded by 1:10, I knew I would be early to my 2pm therapist appointment. This would be the first time ever I would be early/on time! I was jazzed. But then it happened...
The railroad crossing lights started flashing. Some cars sped up, some slowed. I, who am used to being late, forgot that I had plenty of time to spare and flipped over into aggressive driver mode.
I assumed the woman in front of me was going to punch it, and in preparation for that move, I too started to accelerate with a quickness. She stopped short. I slammed on my breaks, but it was too late. I slammed into her. And lest I neglect to mention it, I had my phone in my hand at the time of the accident.
I was not texting. I was trying to call a company and couldn't figure out why I was getting this weird message. I think that at the split second that I had to react to impending collision, I was lost in a thought while looking at my phone. Now, before you start yelling at me, just know that I have been properly chastised by many in the ttwd community already. Read the rest of the post, and you will see why this will NEVER EVER happen again.
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| Her Car |
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| My car (after I put the center pieces back in) |
She was so sweet about the whole thing. Both of us were shook up. We ended up hugging. I felt so bad. She knew she stopped short. I knew I was following too close. I didn't mention the phone. I did get a ticket for careless driving. In order to keep the points off my record, I have to do a 4 hour online class. I've done this class before, and let me tell you, it is painful. They have a timer, so you can't just test and get it over with. You have to sit at your computer for 4 full hours. The last time I got a ticket, it was for speeding, and I think the cop was full of it but there's no fighting the cops in our town. They get paid overtime to show up to court and it's always their word against ours. Thankfully, this accident happened a few towns over and the cop was really nice.
You would think that the accident would've been enough to make me never want that stupid phone in my hand while driving again, but no. I didn't think twice when texting someone later on. It's become such a habit, that who knows how much time I spend on my phone while driving. But it didn't seem to matter to me, and that really bothered me.
Hubby hinted at a spanking later, but he wasn't really serious. When I spoke with him about the situation, he said that the same thing could've happened to him. He wasn't so happy to hear that the incident didn't change my behavior. I felt guilty as hell. As we spoke, I could feel the weight of my errors crushing me. I started to cry. I told him I felt really guilty about it and he offered to help me with a spanking. I agreed.
He started with the cane, which really surprised me, but this was serious spanking. He lectured me on how he needed me and the kids needed me. He couldn't lose me over something as stupid as a phone. He switched to the "closer" and said the one thing that made it all clear to me, "What if it were someone else's kids you killed because you were being careless?" I completely lost it. My life doesn't mean as much as it should to me. But to kill someone else's kids? Because I wanted to check my email? That was the clencher. And that is why I will NEVER EVER do it again. The spanking hurt. The words hurt worse.
My phone now has a designated cubby in the car where it will be the entire time I am driving. If I need to look at something, check for directions, make a phone call, or text someone, I can pull over and get my phone out. There are plenty of parking lots around and no excuses.
Furthermore, I made a lock-screen wallpaper for my phone. Any time I push a button to wake it up, the picture there is enough to catch my attention. I am sharing it with you so if you would like, you can use it on your phone. I can alter it for you if you would like, just email me. Here's how it looks on my phone:
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And here is the pic you can copy for yours:
Please trust me that this will never happen again. I am so sorry about it. And I have paid, and will continue to pay for a while to come, the price for my poor decisions. I will never do it again. And I hope that if you have this habit, that you will take into consideration what is at stake here. It's not just your life, or the lives of your family, but other's too. If that lady didn't have her foot on the brake, I could've pushed her into the path of an oncoming train. I know this. My eyes are open, and from now on, they are on the road, not on my stupid phone.
And if for some reason I backslide, my phone will be taken away from me and replaced with a flip phone that has no access to anything. But trust me, this won't happen. My phone will always remind me that it's a bad idea.
Please be kind in your comments. I'm already sorry.
(((hugs)))
