Lucy! You Got Some ‘Splainin’ to do!

Oh goodness...where to even start...

First off, I apologize for going AWOL and not responding to anything or anyone. It was never my intention to abandon everyone and everything. I am so sorry. Now let me 'splain...

In October, I got a Mirena IUD put in to control my menstrual bleeding. The Mirena contains a small amount of progesterone which releases constantly, keeping the uterine lining to thin to support a pregnancy. But I didn't get it for birth control. I couldn't get pregnant anyway because I have PCOS and it would require surgery to drill holes in my ovaries as well as medication to encourage ovulation. I just needed to not bleed half to death every month. My monthly thing was keeping me trapped in my home for 3 days at a time. I was going to have an endometrial ablation, but thought the Mirena would be less invasive and definitely less expensive. Boy was I wrong!

Since getting the Mirena, I did nothing but spot constantly and my attitude changed completely. The little bit of hormone in the IUD caused me to become a complete B! I could feel the changes, but I couldn't do anything about it. I was a prisoner.

And then it got worse. The world was spiraling out of control. I became further and further detached from people. The only comfort I could feel was that of snuggling my children. I started going to school and, even though I promised I would work 3 days a week, I didn't. I lied more. I held back. I took offense. I justified. I became angry. I ignored. I was an insensitive, self-absorbed B. Hubby and I actually got into a fight, and we NEVER fight. He's called my by my name instead of my nickname more times than I can count. I totally deserved a hide tanning literally every day. But he put up with me. He didn't demand anything. Yet he definitely got the short end of the deal. Even as I'm writing this, I'm realizing what I've done more and more. It's been horrible. So many times he lamented that he wanted his wife back.

The fix? Well, remove the damn thing! Right? Uht-oh... Houston, we have a problem! The string that is attached to the IUD has disappeared. The doctor couldn't find it. No string? No fix. Ugh! What's the next step? Surgery. Oh yay. Plans were made to surgically remove the IUD, do a D & C, do the ablation, and then tie my tubes (just in case). It was going to be expensive. But we were willing to do anything at this point. We had some financial hiccups, being that it was a new year and that meant I had to pay a $2500 deductible. And then a friend at school suggested that I look into doing the LSH procedure. This would remove my uterus and keep my ovaries and cervix in tact. Sounded great to me.

I did worry about the finality of it all. No uterus means no chance of pregnancy. Even though I wasn't planning on having any more kidlets, I wasn't planning on not being able to  either. I know that doesn't make a whole lotta sense. But I couldn't get pregnant anyway, right? Well not without serious medical intervention, no. But there was the chance. Enter the understanding of levels of finality. Getting an ablation meant no more bleeding, most likely. Having my tubes tied meant no eggs getting fertilized, but it could be reversed. But once they take out your uterus, there is no reversing that. It final. Zero chance. And I thought I would grieve that.

I had the surgery on March 5th. Today I feel like my old self. I have such a mixture of emotions. First of all, I'm horny as all get out. Holy cow! When is the last time I had sex anyway? Second, I'm sorry. My heart hurts for all the hurt I caused. I have been apologizing to everyone all day, beginning with Hubby. If I could get a spanking today, I would gladly take it. I deserve it. But recovery is a long process and it will be a couple weeks before that can happen. Third, I want to make amends. I want to please Hubby. I want to start doing things right again.

Of course, all this means that I am back. No more ignoring my blog and all the friends that I've made. I'm so sorry to all of you for abandoning and ignoring you. It won't happen again. I promise.

(((hugs)))